A/N: this one is a tad personal.
Is it bad that I don't know who I am nor who i want to be? Is it bad that my eyes are opened, yet I am still unable to see? Is it wrong that the clear image of life is still so foggy and unrealistic to me. Is it so terrible that at times I don't believe I can do anything. One can Call me a pessimistic human being or a walking cloud of gloom. Call me the stereotypical teenager that stay their room. The one that sits in pajamas all day, eating cereal and watching cartoons. Yeah, thats me. I occasionally view myself as a failure, an uneducated fool. I don't understand why my friends think I'm so cool. Those that are not my friends think Im an oddball for following the rules. For some reason I have tried to change myself to fit THEIR definition of cool. I don't know why my parents brag about me like a trophy. Are they seeing the same crazy and conflicted teen that I see? Maybe I am missing the same confidence that most people lack. Maybe I let social distractions throw me off track. Maybe all I do is sit around and slack. It's problematic because I have to work harder than those around me due to the prejudice I for being black .. It took a while to gain the courage to be comfortable with my insecurities. The pitch of my voice, my interests, my personality, the ambitions I would chase,the acne that rests on my face, it took a while to believe that in this biased, separated and political world I actually had a place.
But now the once foggy and unclear world I was unable to then see, is now clear and visible to me. I no longer see clouds and gloom, instead I see flawless, impeccable beauty.The sun , colors, and the wind no longer elude me. I was once a naive blind human being. I used to want to do nothing but fit in with cool crowd. I now I believe im headed in the direction of who I truly want to be. I want to follow my dreams, make some ridiculous memories, make my parents proud. I want to simply be me, whatever the heck that means, because in the grand scheme of things I am still young and theres still so much i am unable to see.
