Inside the Quiet Ones Mind

Outsider.

Have you ever sat down at a party, or in a group of friends, and even though you've known them for quite awhile..you still feel like an outsider?
It feels like a glass wall is in between myself and them, and all I can do is spectate with a strong sense of yearning as they interact with eachother, because they're all...normal...
I feel like a stray. The factors that created me differ greatly from the others, and even when I've come to terms with it, why does it still hurt me so? Like a flaming hot poker being run straight through my back, breaking the bones before stabbing straight through my chest, this pain I feel grows bigger. My tired eyes close as I exhale shakily, I can see them leaving. I can see them getting bored with me. I can see them slowly eroding away. And I can't do anything to stop them. I can see myself push them away or come up with crazy assumptions. These prickly thorns from the beautiful rose bushes are running along my rough, tainted skin, and lacerating my flesh as I squirm around. The more I move, the more they go into my rotting body. Skin tears off as a thorn yanks it off once I struggle to break free. It's no use. They just keep coming. They don't stop.
I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Help me. I'm drowning in my own misery, my soul is lost, and these weights around my ankles are pulling me deeper into the oceans dark-unforgiving abyss. Screams are muffled as I slowly drift to oceans floor, soon to be forgotten like every lost soul is. Now I lay here, gazing up in silence at the world-always a spectator, never a participant. A drowsy hand floats up, weakly reaching towards the surface of the water where my unreachable dream lies; I will never be like them...to be normal. So I'll settle with this pitiful body of mine, with this sad excuse of a human being, and I'll spectate. My lips always sealed shut, never saying a word, and suffering in silence like always.
I need to be saved.
And he can't do it.
I want to fix him. Not the other way around.
I'm just too broken.
He can't fix me, no one can.
I'm just too lost...