Hugs & Kisses

Page 44

6•01•2016

I just wanted answers

-Answers you seem to refuse to give or can't give.

Giving me more reason to feel saddened by these thoughts.

All I wanted to know is:

Am I appreciated?

Am I thought of? How? When?

Did I mean anything even before I was a major thing? Because it sure heck doesn't seem like it.

Why wasn't I the first choice?

Why am I treated so badly?

Why can't I get the answers I want to know without an outburst of anger?

I'm sorry I'm so negative, last time I checked I wasn't ever a positive person unless I was happy: And I can only be happy outside of my "home" so why get mad at me when you know my case already? Because you were in a mood????

My bad!

You promised me things that I took to heart, that made me feel significant- to find out it wasn't even kept nor even mentioned to me. Sure, let me live in with all these false assumptions of what I mean to you. Because I guess I sure as heck mean a lot if you can lie to me like this.

How can I trust you and your word?

You can't even tell me something so simple.

So I then ask for you to list out moments I meant something before we were a thing, push goes to shove and an argument breaks out over one commentary made for justification on needing clarification that it did not happen or it did? But instead you decide to lash out on me

-totally reasonable.....-

Then telling me you'll come online but not message me? What is the point? It seems as if you are trying to provoke me by letting me know you're upset so I will message you but then you'll get mad that I keep messaging you?!

I JUST WANTED CLARIFICATION!!!!!

All of this was for clarification for myself! I wanted to know in specific detail of my meaning to someone else! But instead I get treated this way and to handle the manner I must apologize, and if I bring up the topic once more it'll feel like a guilt trip for you? You feel guilt too often so I try to avoid anymore on you....but seriously.

I finally hugged you and showed affection for the first time in years, but you didn't care or notice my efforts and went your ways.

I tried to talk to you but you were busy talking to others more important.

I wanted to be your first kiss and I wasn't!

I can't even look back on our first kiss without getting angry.

You promised me you'd quit smoking and yes I know it's hard but you didnt please up to your word and didn't tell me!

Giving me attention and making me feel great only to see I don't differ from the rest, I'm just like every other girl to you.

What am I doing wrong here!!!???

Because no matter how much you do for me that's good I can never seem to look past that fact that major things that I felt meant nothing to you.

Yeah it hurts, but you can't empathize with me on this.

You left me hanging, typing to myself, and leaving me on "read" -

Then come back the next day saying how much you love me...

That's not love!

I'd rather see you didn't get online all night rather than seeing you came online and read everything and just didn't respond.

I thought that time I tried to show you how I felt-by giving a taste of your own medicine, gave you an eye opening sense of what you were doing.

You said you're trying to change and while that may be a slow progress, you aren't fixing your major issues.

You can't even tell me anything....

You're the only person I receive love from and to be treated like this...

I don't know how you truly feel towards me.

You say I go back and forth, what about you?

Mine have legitimate reasons whether you see it or not, yours are base off of actions and reactions.

Leaving me empty and sad with no resort to vent my feelings because I ONLY TALK TO YOU!

Talking to anyone else besides my closest seemed wrong, I didn't want them to know of anything. But midnight came and something in me broke and I had to get help from someone so I could hold myself together.

You do not even know how much I have pushed through because of how I feel.

I didn't want to see you, not even think of you...

Yet I still wanted you...

I keep eating nonstop because I feel so empty, I can't even tell what I'm feeling anymore. Music didn't help me, I couldn't sleep, my parents kept yelling at me, and on top of it I was trying to get you to talk to me.

Maybe I'm just worthless

I won't ever be positive

I can only be negative

It's what I grew up with, it's what I am with 24/7 -365

_______________________________

All I wanted was to know-

Turns out you hate me