the wonder of being afraid| cloves story

Chapter 8

There it was, the word I had been avoiding for almost 6 months. I remember when Snow made a speech at the tribute parade 'Hope is the only thing stronger than fear'  he said, but I never truly understood what that meant. 'I'm sorry about the quell' says Prim. I nod 'Me too' I say. 'Mom and I, we'll put all our money on you.' She says. I smile, remembering how Brutus said to me that I was there for the wrong reasons, that my odds were the highest career female that year. 'They have a name for you, back home' Prim says. I look at her as I sip my cocoa 'Yeah, the Beacon' I say. She shakes her head 'They're calling you the Golden Girl, because you were in gold in the parade.' 

'Like Katniss, only she was the girl on fire' I say. 

'Exactly' says Prim, 'they love you at home' 

I smile, despite the smell of 12, my friend lived there. I felt like I knew it so well.

Once Prim went home I go to bed, exhausted but happy to see her. I then set my alarm clock for 6:00 am for my first day of training. I tossed and turned over and over for what felt like hours until I finally fell asleep. Katniss didn't feature in my nightmare tonight but Hollister did. We talked in the meadow, just us two, until it started to shake. A sinkhole formed and he almost fell in, but I managed to catch him in time. He turned into Snow who said 'Hope is the only thing stronger than fear, isn't that right Miss Kentwell?'  I stare into his snake like eyes and push him in the sinkhole, but he's  turned into Hollister as he falls. 'NOOO!' I scream, but as I turn around, Snow stands over me. 'I thought we agreed never to lie to each other, Miss Kentwell.' And he pushes me in the hole.

I wake up screaming and thrashing around in my bed. 'HOLLISTER!!!' I'm screaming, but I know I'll never get a response. Once I realise I'm okay, I check the time. It's a little after 5, so I try to go  back to sleep, but I'm haunted by the dreams of mutts and lost children. I end up giving up and getting dressed. I put on a red sports bra and leggings with black shoes. I brush and tie my hair in a high ponytail and head downstairs for something to eat. I end up settling with a banana and some juice. I stare out the window in my living room, seeing all of our previous victors make their way to the training centre. Once I've finished breakfast, I turn on the Tv to see a re-run of my games, a pang hits my stomach as I see footage of Hollister, Cato and I living Catos final moments before he died. I look down at the ring he gave me as tears well in my eyes and a smile is in my face 'Until you can have my last name'  he said as he slipped the ring on my right ring finger. It was really the only time I had acknowledged the ring since he died. It was a gold band twisted until a diamond was on top. I switch of the TV, while crying silently. Enobaria knocks on the door. I get up to answer it and she is standing there with another lady who looks much older than her. I step outside as Enobaria introduces the lady as Lanika Duncain, who won the 35th Hunger Games at 16. 'Nice to meet you, Miss Duncain' I say extending my hand. 'You too, and just Lannikas fine.' She says. I assume she would be in her late 50s to early 60s, she must have trained for her first games because her arms look massive with muscle. 'Lanika is an expert on tricks, Clove' says Enobaria. I nod and smile at Lannika, who walks beside me. 'I saw that dive roll you did in the arena, I must say I was impressed' she says. 'Thank you' I respond kindly. We eventually reach the Training Centre and we walk inside. It was the biggest place I had seen since the arena. Children younger than Fi are playing with swords, axes and knives. Some gasp and point at me, tapping their friends who do the same. 'They love you here' whispers Enobaria. Before I know it kids are running up to me, hugging me and asking me questions like 'How did you win?' 

'What's your favourite weapon?' 

'You must miss Cato, right?'

I hold up my hand to signal them to stop which they do. 'Hands up please! I can't answer everyone's questions at once' I say, sounding like a teacher. One girl with blond hair in two braids puts her hand up first. 'How did you win?' She asks. I think about this, but all I can manage is 'I had a lot of luck on my side.' A boy raises his hand 'Are you excited about maybe being in the games again?'he asks. This question I know the answer to 'No, the arenas a really scary place. Did you see those mutts that were after me and my friends?' They nod at this in whispers with one another. Enobaria interjects 'Okay kids! Clove can answer your questions later, go back to class.' They all go back except one girl who approachs me. 'Someday, I'm gonna volunteer. Just like Katniss and Cato did.' She skips off and I stare blankly in the distance, her words ringing in my ears.  'Shall we start?' Enobaria says, leading me to a circular cushion. I see Lanika teaching kids how to do my dive roll and a familiar face. A man teaching the kids how to use a spear, I realise he won the games the year before I won mine. 'The first stage, fighting' says Enobaria. She nods to a girl who would be no older than Katniss throw an axe at a dummy, fake blood pours out of it. 'That's Elizabeth Husher, her sister Emily died last years games.' She calls over Elizabeth who stands over me. 'You guys are gonna fight, Clove? A word?' Says Enobaria. She turns me away from Elizabeth who's cracking her knuckles. 'She steps before she punches, your small, you can dodge them' she says. I nod once and turn to Elizabeth and hold my hands in a fist. She hook-punches me, I duck and try to punch her face. She grabs my fist and kicks my stomach. I howl in pain and she knees me in the face. I fall back from the impact, wiping the blood on the back of my hand. I stand up watching her feet. She steps forward and I hit her square across the jaw. She stumbles and narrows her eyes at me, she goes for a death blow, but I do my signature dive roll so that I'm behind her. I push her from behind before she figures out what's gone on, she trips and falls. As I get up she punches at my head. I duck and flip her over. She coughs 'Your good' she says. I offer my hand to her. 'Thanks' she says, 'sorry about your face'. I shrug, 'It's fine, it'll heal soon' I say. She heads back to the axe station. Enobaria wipes my face with a towel to dry the blood. 'That was something' says Enobaria, chuckling. I smile, my face stung and my stomach ached. She leads to to a medical station, where they say I have minor cuts and a fractured nose. I put on a piece of tape to help it heal properly. 'Stage 2, weapons' says Enobaria. I see a boy struggling with throwing knives, so I go over to help. 'Bend your elbows more' I say kindly to the boy. I see a knife and throw it at the dummy. 'Like that' I say 'now you try'. He bends his elbows and fake blood pours out of the dummy. 'Thanks, Clove' says the boy. I smile I turn and see Enobaria with a quiver of arrows and a bow. I freeze up. Images of Hollister and Katniss flood my mind. I shake them free and get the bow from Enobaria. She teaches me how to shoot. I told her after a few tries that it reminds me to much of my friends. I use a sword for a little while, but after a few tries I come to the conclusion that I am only using knives during training. After the weapon training, I meet with Lanika to try some tricks with my knives. She taught me how to do a back flip and throw a knife at a dummy. I try after what feels like hours, but I can never master it. 'Don't worry' says Lannika, 'we have 2 months to get it right.' I smile, I must get this right.

Because if I don't, my death is certain.