Catharsis

THIRTY THREE

Hours pass in a torturous haze until I've long left this place. He ruthlessly batters me against the wall with the electrical cord. He doesn't bother to touch me this time, he just leaves me in the chains to lie naked on the floor. I think the evening came and went. In a small voice, I call to Emma. She doesn't answer. I crawl painfully toward her, smearing my blood across the concrete. I lay my head next to the vent, just in case she is alive and wakes up.

I can't sleep. My mind keeps me awake against my will. The images flash like someone has synced my brain with that laptop screen: her beautiful face ripped apart. I fight against the thought of her for hours. Don't think about her hair and the way it smelled when I kissed her forehead. Her laughter. Her voice. The way she'd say my name.

All night I wrestle with myself. I hammer my head against the floor wanting nothing more than to end the misery. I peel more skin off my arm. The smell of my own blood seeps into my nostrils. It's starting to smell like hers. Can I stay alive for Emma? Should I stay alive for her? The sun starts to brighten the dark blue sky in the morning. I need something to kill me.

"Aaron?" A voice whispers. I'm snapped out of my grief and fumble to get myself onto my stomach.

"Are you okay?" I reply through my tears as I wipe my face. I can see her shadow through the vent slats, shuddering.

"I didn't think he would stop," she cries. "I'm sorry."

"Shut up," I say. "This is my fault, not yours. I should have gotten you help when we had the chance. I shouldn't have waited."

"You tried, though. You offered it to me and I didn't take it." she sniffles. "If I had just done what you asked I wouldn't be here right now and neither would you. You have to understand that I've been here my whole life. I want to be free but, the world is a scary place. What if I don't fit in? What if I never find a place to belong?"

"When you get out, I will make sure you go to someone that will love you. And you are going to get out, okay? I promise." I also promised her that she would never end up back here, yet here we are.

"What did he do to you?" Emma whispers.

My words pile up on top of each other until I finally choke it out: "he showed me a video." I say. "I tried to escape. I made a real effort and I couldn't do it, but I won't stop trying for you, alright?"

"Stop freaking out. Someone is going to come. I told the people at the gas station to call the police. They have to come get us."

"They already did, though. Kaman talked them out of investigating this place."

"What are we going to do, Aaron?" her voice lowers.

"I don't think we will get any rescue. All we can do is wait for another chance to run, like last time."

"Yeah, because chances are happening left and right," she says, voice bleak.

"It's all we can do."

I'm lying in the rising sun. Dust particles dance around the fingers of my right hand as I hold it up to the shafts of light coming through the window. The sun is warm but it's losing its intensity as fall marches onward. Dried leaves gather along the window pane.

"This was my dad's favorite season," I say. I can hardly remember what he looked like. I try to recall his face and his voice, but it just doesn't come to me.

"Autumn?" Emma asks. "Why did he like it so much? It looks dead. Did he like dead things?"

"You don't have to make it into something that's morbid. The colors are actually kind of nice."