My Last Breath

House not a home

Readers Warning: Drug use, drug talk, violence, some trigger warnings and adult content!

You have been warned, if any of this offends you in any way or is bothered by it please do not continue to read!

© 2017 Okaycarra all rights reserved

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There are so many figures piling up in the darkness. The spot next to me is empty. It's weird, its usually filled with happiness that consumes me. My only happiness actually. I stare at the only lit area within the room, I stare at the line of white powder on the nightstand. To me you're strong when you bare through the pain and live through the emotions sober.

Nights where you try to forget about the past. Even when you try to or attempt to distract yourself it doesn't matter, it's all still there floating around like a balloon just waiting to pop in your mind. 

If you have a story I believe you should tell it.

Two years ago.

Amira

I can't stay here. I don't belong here anymore, this place I used to call 'home.' All the happiest memories of her flooded in my mind. Seeing my own mother lying in the casket breathless, cold, and pale. From seeing the house filled with joy, to being empty. I wanted to scream or worse, I felt a sign of reality hit me.

I closed the door to my old bedroom, I brushed my hand against the last picture hung on the wall, my mom and me. I took it down placing it in my shoulder bag. I took a deep breath and slowly walked down the stairs. I took a last look at the house and walked out the door.

I dreaded this moment the most it was fearful. I didn't think it would come like this though, maybe when I was fifty or sixty but never this young. Losing your mom is the toughest thing to go through, I mean losing anyone was hard, but this was the hardest for me, she was my best friend.

Now, I have to go move in with my father who gets drunk all the time, since the last time I seen him he didn't even care I was there. No, "Hey it was nice to see my daughter Amira," just, "I'm going out tonight, I'll be home later. There's food in the fridge from last night"

I got into the car and sat down. My hands began sweating and pictures of my mom came to me. I hate cars, I hate them so much I dread riding in them. Tears began forming at the corner of my eyes. I felt a tear fall from my right eye, I quickly wiped it away with my sleeve.

I looked up at my dad who was lighting a cigarette. I wanted to smoke one so badly but I just didn't have the right mind to do it in front of one of my family members.

"I miss her." I said looking down at the funeral card, Vivian Roberts with a picture of her by the beach, and a beautiful smile that was always on her face. Her favorite place to take me when I was little.

My dad didn't say anything, he looked over at me, puffing harder on his cigarette that was hanging out of his mouth. "Well." He said the cigarette still taped to his lips.

The person besides your mom who is suppose to love and care for you doesn't show one sign of enjoyment while he's around me. The beginning of a two hour drive.

"Are you hungry?" My dad ask.

Wow does he feel bad because of what happened to my mom, and thinks that it will make me feel better if he acts like he cares or does he really care about if I'm hungry or not.

I looked up from my phone, "No not really." I shook my head. I locked my phone setting it in my lap.

"Do you miss her?" I asked reforming I to you when I told him that I missed her.

"I mean yeah, but there's nothing you can really do Amira. Soon your thoughts of her will go away, like mine did seven years ago." He said harshly.

That made me tense up. It hurt me, my heart felt that pain, like I just been stabbed twenty times with a sharp knife. I felt like crying but I didn't want to do it in front of him, I rather be alone. I don't like when people see me cry.

I've been strong for so long, too long to where it felt good to cry. I wouldn't say I was a depressed person or anything I was just depressed over the whole situation. I'm just glad I wasn't there to witness it, i don't know what I would do.

It was early, maybe one or two in the morning. My mom was working overtime at her job. I heard loud bangs coming from the door downstairs. I thought my mom forgot her keys and was being locked out of the house. I ran down the stairs and unlocked the door.. Two policemen stood at the door shining their bright flashlights in my eyes. Their exact words that came off their lips.

"Mrs. Roberts, Amira. Correct.?" The tall one said.

"Y-yes." I choked.

"Um, I have some terrible news." They looked at each other. My eyes widened. I didn't know what to think.

"Is everything okay?" Questions rampaged through my head.

"Unfortunately, your mom was found on scene, she had a car accident. She was rushed to the ER. She's at Anderson Hospital, She has major gashes and damage to the brain, we don't think she's going to make it through the night. They are doing everything they can to keep her stable and comfortable." The officer spoke, with each and every word it got slower and slower. I almost passed out, trying to comprehend the news I was just told.

I looked at my dad who made a right to turn into a little corner gas station. "If you have to go to the bathroom do it now, this is the only stop I'm making until we are home." He remarked.

'Home' that wasn't home. With my mom was home.