A/n: For those who aren't aware, Agent Washington's real name is David, but I'm pretty sure everyone knows that.
"Grif, please don't eat that!"
"Sarge! I don't care if he's blue! Tucker isn't target practice!"
"Caboose, I don't care what Tucker told you, but it's pronounced ORANGE. Not orgy."
You flung yourself down on the torn up couch in the base and threw your (colour of choice) helmet to the other side of the room. Who knew being in the army would require so much babysitting?
You felt the gravity shift to the other side of the couch. You knew immediately who it was.
"Long day?" A familiar voice chuckled as an arm snaked around your waist, while the other removed the helmet from their head.
"I always imagined retirement was supposed to be... I dunno... relaxing?" You said sarcasm dripping from your voice.
Your boyfriend chuckled once more. "You're dealing with a bunch of overgrown children. This shit isn't supposed to be easy."
"By 'shit' do you mean dealing with these idiots or being in the military," you inquired, rolling your eyes.
"Now that you mention it... both," your freelancer said with a grin.
"Is this what a parent feels like," you ask letting out an exasperated sigh.
David looks at you and places a kiss on your cheek. "You are aware that they call you 'Mom' behind your back, right?"
You grin, "Are you aware that they call you 'dad', behind YOUR back?"
Your boyfriend's face deadpanned. "Do they really?"
"Yup."
"Those little shits."
"Hey, at least it isn't in the kinky way," you snicker, flicking his nose.
"You are the worst girlfriend ever... Of all time."
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"TUCKER! STOP HUMPING THAT!"
