Sweet Caroline (Corey Crawford)

The Real You

Caroline

"Alright, and can you feel anything" the doctor asks and I lay on the hospital bed. I had a blindfold on so my brain doesn't trick me into saying I feel something that isn't there.

"No" I admit.

"Good, because I wasn't touching you" he says and I laugh. "What about now" he asks.

"Yeah. I feel something on my arm" I say.

"Good. Can you move it" he asks. I try but nothing happens.

"No" I admit and he sighs.

"Okay. Let's get this off of you" he says removing the blindfold. My eyes slowly adjust and I look around. The light was blinding but I got used to it eventually.

They run some more tests and ask me questions. Every answer is about the same as the past week and some since I've been here. I can feel most everything but I can't move them, my signals are being blocked someway somehow and I can't get them through.

So we schedule another surgery to try and figure out what's going on. Since I have feeling I should be able to move my muscles but I can't. So the process of getting better gets halted again and I'm forced to  play the waiting game. Secretly when people don't know I'm trying to move my arms or toes or something, maybe it's not helping but I have to try.

Eventually the doctors leave and my dad comes in. My dad finished the bed frame for the little boy we were helping out and it looked super good. My dad only has 400 hockey sticks laying around, and not even goalie sticks. He's quite the hoarder but at least it's going to a good cause now.

We sit around and watch the rest of the playoff. It was was middle of May and the teams were in their conference finals. The Kings were taking care of the Coyotes and the Devils and Rangers were locked in a battle. There was some good hockey being played and I can't lie, I missed it. I can't wait until the Hawks are back to playing this far into the post season.

Eventually my dad goes home to shower and get some groceries, be a grown man before he comes back to take care of my hockey withdrawal some more. Eventually Corey comes in and he pulls a bag out from under his jacket.

"I did something" he says and I raise a eyebrow.

"What did you do" I ask.

He reaches in the bag and pulls out a Tim Hortons cup and I smile. He pulls out a straw and puts it in the little slot. He puts the straw in my mouth and I take no time i nearly drinking the whole thing. I complained that I wanted their white hot chocolate for days now and Corey came through once again.

"Have I ever told you that you're the best boyfriend ever" I ask as I catch my breath and he laughs.

"A few times" he admits setting the drink down. He turns to me and moves the hair out of my face.

"How was your check up this morning" he asks.

"Okay I guess. There's no change which means since it's not getting worse but he is afraid the damage will become permanent if there is no improvement soon" I sigh.

"I'm sorry baby. Is there anything I can do to help" he asks.

"Can you answer something for me... and I want you to be honest" I insist.

"What is it" he wonders.

"If I can't walk and this ends up becoming my life... would you still want to be with me" I ask.

"You want my honest answer" he asks and I nod. "I never want to leave your side. As long as you are breathing I want to be with you. Even if you can't walk you can still smile and laugh and teach me everything I need to know to get through life. I need you by my side, I don't care about whatever state you are in, where you're on the ice or in a wheel chair, I want you with me.

I want to be with you, the real you, and you are not your ability to walk. You are your mind and your heart and those are both working just fine. So yeah, if you never walk again I still want to be with you. I want to be the one to push you around in a wheel chair, remind you of how beautiful you are inside and out" he insists. I start to sniffle and he wipes away my tears.

"You gotta stop making me cry when I can't wipe away my own tears" I insist and he laughs.

"Do you believe me" he asks.

"Yeah, I believe you. My dad stopped playing so he could take care of my mom. But you, you need to keep playing because you're not even close to being in the prime of your career" I insist.

"If I have to quit I will" he claims.

"You're not quitting Corey. I'm going to watch you raise that cup over your head" I insist and he smiles.

"I only want to do that with you by my side" he insists.

He helps me finish off the the hot chocolate and turns on the whichever game was on tonight. The Kings were playing the Coyotes in a game four, they were up 2 games to none and were dominating once again.

I feel Corey sneak his hand in mine which was warming. He squeezes my hand and I squeeze his back.

"Caroline" he whispers.

"What" I ask.

"You just squeezed my hand" he claims and I stop looking at the tv.

"I did" I ask.

"Yeah! Do it again" he tries.

"I cant" I say as I try to do it. He squeezes my hand again then I do it back and smile.

"You did it" he cheers.

"I did it" I smile. He goes and gets a nurse and she comes in my room. She does some other tests and when stimulated I could move my fingers and toes which still isn't much, but it's better than nothing. Eventually the doctor comes back and does some more tests. So many tests.

"Okay, well this is great news. I still say we go in there and clean up so the signals are a bit stronger but we're finally moving in the right direction. Once you can control your movements and they're more self-stimulated we can get you in some physical therapy. It's still a long ways away before you can leave here but a little step is better than no step" he explains.

"Great! Thank you doctor" I smile.

"Of course. See you in a few days" he says before walking out. Corey reappears and he had this huge smile on his face.

"What did you do now" I ask.

"I called your dad, told him the good news" he claims.

"Ah" I say. He sits next to me and runs his fingers through my hair. I smile up to him as he kisses my forehead.

"We're going to get through this, okay" he asks.

"Okay" I agree.