Identity (a Mass Effect fanfiction)

Lover

Jack looked up as Aaron came down the steps to the hold at the bottom of the ship where she had set herself up. "Thought I told you I needed space."

"You did."

"Then what the fuck are you doing down here?"

That caught him short. What was he doing down here? Other than that his feet had automatically turned this way when he finished his inspection of the engine rooms; other than that he hadn't been able to stop thinking about her since she boarded his ship; other than that he desired her more than any woman he had ever known. He met her eyes, meaning to answer her tone for tone, but what came out was naked truth, instead. "I needed you."

Jack stood up, her beautiful eyes widening, even as she backed up until she was pressed against the wall. "Come on, Shepard. Don't go there."

"I'm sorry. I can't help it."

"Why? You know I'm not interested in some dumbshit love affair."

"So you've said."

"It never goes right."

Aaron kept moving toward her, drawn as if by an invisible rope tied between them. "Why do you keep trying to put so much distance between us?"

"I ..."

He held her gaze, waiting, even as something flashed in her eyes, fear or longing or some combination of the two. "There was this guy," she said at last, in a rush, like the words were coming from her without her wanting them to. "Murtock. Dumbass."

"What made him such an idiot?"

"Testosterone," Jack flashed at him.

"Really, Jack."

"Fine. We used each other, right? For sex, for biotics ... it was fun."

"But he made it something more," Aaron guessed.

"Yeah. He ... came back for me when he shouldn't have. I got out. He didn't. Later, on the shuttle, this message started playing. He'd recorded it for me." Jack looked down at her boots, but not before Aaron had seen a suspicious shine in her eyes, something almost like tears. "He talked about the future, about ... settling down. About ... how he loved me."

"You blame yourself for his death?"

Jack's head snapped up, her eyes blazing. "Like hell I do! It was his own damn fault. But it was inevitable as soon as he started having ... feelings." She accompanied the last word with a sneer. "Feelings make you sloppy; they get you killed."

"So you put up a wall to keep people out."

"It's supposed to keep you out, too, you asshole. But you keep pushing and pushing and ... What am I supposed to do with that?"

"Accept that you feel it, too?" he suggested. He was closer to her now, almost close enough to reach out and touch her smooth, colorful skin.

"I'll—" Jack's eyes were on his, her beautiful lips parted. "This will kill you, too, you moron."

"You forget: I'm already dead. Undead, technically. Do your worst." He stepped closer again, and this time he did reach for her, his hand settling gently on her waist. She stiffened at the touch, but didn't move to take his hand away.

She swallowed. "You're crazy."

Aaron chuckled, stepping closer still and putting his other hand on her waist, waiting for her to shove him backward or send him flying across the hold with a biotic blast. "We're all nuts. It's practically stamped on the boarding passes for this mission."

"You know this will just get us both hurt. Or you'll mess around on me and I'll kill you, or—"

He decided not to bother protesting that last part. She wouldn't believe him anyway. "And?"

"And that sucks!"

"So does wanting you with every breath and knowing you want me, too, and having you try to keep me away all the time." He inched even closer still, their bodies almost, but not quite, touching. "Think how much fun we could be having instead."

"You—you don't feel that way."

"Yeah, I really do. I miss you when you're not around. You make me feel—alive. On my toes. Like anything could happen. Like everything could happen."

"Shepard. I don't ... I can't trust you, or anyone. Not this way," she said but her eyes were on his mouth, and her tongue darted out, moistening her lower lip, the tremor in her voice belying her words.

"Look, Jack," he said softly, "I know this freaks you out. But you're lying if you say you don't trust me. I know you do, and I know that freaks you out more than anything."

"Don't tell me what I feel."

"Why not? You're always telling me what I should feel. I'm just pointing out that we fit together." He pressed his hips against hers, watching her eyes close at the contact, her cheeks flush. "Not just like that, although I'm dying to feel you," Aaron whispered in her ear. "But ... on the battlefield, too, and down here just talking. I want you, Jack, all of you." He leaned in, brushing his lips against hers, drinking in the little moan she gave, the way her mouth clung to his.

Then she pushed him away, hard. There was a little biotic juice in there, he could feel it. "Get the fuck away from me, Shepard. I—I need some time to think."

"Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."

"Yeah?" There was a challenge in her eyes as she looked at him. "Tell that to Miranda. And Tali. And Chambers. And your precious asari back on Illium."

"It might interest you to know that I have."

"Bullshit."

"Nope. Absolute truth."

"Oh, go away, Shepard. You're too much."

He could see, though, that it was her own feelings that were too much, and so he was able to smile at her when he said, "That's part of my charm." He turned to leave, stopping at the bottom of the stairs when she called his name. "What's up?"

"Do you—do you have any idea what it's like to think you're alone and have someone tell you that you're not?"

He thought of Rachel. It wasn't the same ... but then again, in some ways, it was. "Yeah. I do."

"You don't have to agree so fast, you fucker."

Aaron grinned at Jack's swift rejoinder. "Sorry. Next time, I'll pause first."

"Smartass."

"One of the many things you like about me." He flashed the grin at her over his shoulder, surprising a smile on her face as well, and left her there, hoping for both their sakes that she wouldn't need to think too long.