Stan POV
Why is life so cold but his smile so warm? God damn it. Just thinking about him gets me to tears.
Why am I such a crybaby? Why do I have to have depression? Why do I have so many problems? Why can't I be better?
I'll never be good enough. I'm just a weight on his shoulders. So,I've started to shut up and not complain aloud and definitely not to him.
I've chatted Kenny's ear off and I feel so bad about it but I'm try to be better and it's hard to no look away in the distance and think about Ky without Ken shaking my shoulder and telling me that our break up was horrible and that Ky was at fault.
I can't. I just can't believe that. I did something. I didn't pay enough attention to him. I was to tired all the time. I-...I was too depressed. I put to much on him.
Maybe if I shut my big, fat, depressing mouth he will come back. I'll listen to all his problems and help him with it.
Maybe he'll think I changed. Maybe he will love me again...
What happened there? Did he never love me and the first place and was afraid to turn me down because he knew how much it would destroy me...or did he just wake up and realize that I'm shit. I'll never be anything. I'll never do anything. I'll never be anything. He fucking realized it.
He only hangs around with me under the facade of still being my best friend because he's worried or some pity shit but he's waiting for his chance to leave.
Goddamn it. I wish I didn't exist. Why does this hurt so bad? I can't.
My phone dings.
Kyle just sent me a picture of Harry Potter edited so that he has a double chin. I can't help but smile.
The tears are still going down my face.
Time to shut up and hope he doesn't leave me.
