james
i've just turned eighteen.
and i think i understand...
what people mean to each other.
then the gun fired, the ringing filled the air.
the adrenaline hit quicker than before, but i kept running. forward, keep forward.
i still heard alyssa's cry, her screaming. we were apart. it was really only five minutes, but i couldn't stop thinking about her. i couldn't help but think about my life without her.
her. the girl i really only talked to because i wanted something from her. i wanted to feel something, so i tried to force it. i forced myself to kiss her, i forced myself to try and love her. but in the end, i couldn't help but realize i loved her.
her. the girl i thought i might've been with forever. when she ran away from me that day, i couldn't help but feel abandonment, which is equivalent to what happened when my mom died; the way she left, the way my dad acted afterwards. abandonment.
i have to change my name, i have to move. i'll never be able to see her again. where would i go? how could i do this?
after two hours of running, i reached a road. only a few cars passed by every thirty minutes. i knew had to change my appearance some how.
i sigh. there's not much i could do at this point. i'm just worried about her.
alyssa
"honey, i know it's hard but you have to calm down."
"fuck you! do you not realize what you've just fucking done?"
"he's gone now, alyssa."
i feel my muscles collapse, and i start to unclench. i missed him.
turn back, i kept thinking. please, james. we can work this out, just turn around.
the three officers grab hold of my forearms, and drag me to a police van.
"stop! let me go, just fucking let me go!"
"you have the right to remain silent. everything you say can, and will, be held against you." the officer says. she forces me into the van and locks the doors. i start pounding on the window. i just couldn't stop.
"fuck off! let me go! i need him! i love him!" i continued crying as i felt everything in me start to melt down. the crying turned into sobbing, the sobbing turned into screaming. everything went silent.
"we'll have to take her to a mental hospital, officer. she's crazy! do you hear her in there?"
"i know, but we can't just leave her to rot in there. we need to give her the proper inspection, go over some questions with her."
i screamed louder.
"fuck off! fuck right off!"
