james
i take a quick glance at the plane as i board on it.
"bye, matthew! say 'hey' to the mom's for me, would ya?"
"of course. bye!"
my dad and i wave to each other and i get in my seat. instantly, i put on a pair of headphones, plug it into my phone and fall asleep to some music.
__________
"alyssa, oh my god, you're alive!" i smile, and start crying hysterically. she looked as beautiful as she always did, and i knew i couldn't control the tears, i knew i couldn't control anything. she made me weak, but in a good way.
"james, i wish i would've told you before you left, but i knew i couldn't. i love you."
"i love you, too!"
its been years since i've said that, but it felt so natural. i place my hand on her chin, pulling her closer to me and i kiss her. i couldn't let her go. it felt like an eternity of me just holding her and kissing her, but it felt absolutely fantastic.
"you're so... incredible. so fucking incredible." she smiles. i feel my heart start to pick up its pace as i hear a gun shot. she starts to fade away slowly and i start shaking.
"no, alyssa, no! come back!"
"don't leave me, james!"
"alyssa, please stop!"
"i have to go."
"i'll come back for you! i promise, alyssa, i'll come back for you."
i collapse on the ground and start sobbing and shaking. i couldn't help but scream, i couldn't help but want to end it right then and there. without alyssa i'm nothing, absolutely nothing. i don't know how to feel without her, i don't know how to love.
__________
"Mr.McColumn, we've landed."
i lift my head up and the lady looked like she seen a ghost. my first thought was she knew who i was - that i wasn't matthew, i was james.
"are you okay? oh my god! here, a napkin!"
i forgot i woke up crying, shaking and sweating.
"i'm sorry i just had a nightmare."
"a nightmare? about what?"
"the absolute worst thing imaginable. where are we?"
"Los Angeles, California."
"fuck, okay. sorry, thank you for waking me up." i stand up and grab my bags from the overhead and walk off the plane.
"you're welcome?" she mumbles.
i step off the plane, still with some American money so i could pay at least one month of rent.
i call a taxi and have them take me to the nearest apartment. at first it was awkward small talk.
"hey, what are ya in for?" he asks me.
"i don't like small talk."
"oh, i see. you ever killed a man?"
the car goes silent. fuck fuck fuck fuck.
"chillax! i'm obviously joking...?"
"j-matthew."
"alright. hey matthew. how are you?"
tired, pretty shitty. i miss alyssa, my heart feels like it's literally been blasted with a bullet.
"fine, i guess. how about yourself...?"
"sam. i'm pretty great, actually."
"fantastic." i shrug.
he takes me to the nearest apartment and wishes me luck. we exchange smiles, and i'm off.
first things first, i head to the opening office. he asks me about my past history with living arrangements, my name, a few other things and says "we have a few available. one has the full living room, kitchen and bathroom set up. even got a new bed in the bedroom. how's about... $1550 monthly?"
"deal. thanks so much."
he shows me to the room and i pay him. its beautiful, and even has a sliding door that leads to a porch in the bedroom.
just then, as i'm admiring the area, my phone dings.
dad: hey. how's california? i found some leads on alyssa. she's in a hospital, but she'll be eighteen in three months. they'll have to release her.
me: perfect. how are you getting this information? where is she at?
dad: illinois. and i paid a guy to keep an eye out. the number for the hospital is 718-243-0918. they can't confirm that she's there so you have to give them an ID. 3490290. you're her birth father. she'll know its you.
me: thanks so much dad, you're great.
dad: i know, thanks :) keep your eyes wide open.
