Niall-Centric One Shots

Meet my friend, Anxiety (TW) (Narry)

Summary: Niall has an anxiety attack.

Trigger Warnings: anxiety/panic attack, dissociation, fear, indication of cutting, blood

Words: about 700

A/N: So, this could be very triggering for some people. Please be careful while reading this.

I know that people experience different symptoms of anxiety and/or panic attacks but this is how I sometimes feel like when it gets real bad. I have had some anxiety attacks and I realised that writing about it helps me a lot, so when I had one today, I decided on writing down my feeling and now there is this fanfic.

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For a moment, Niall doesn't know where he is.

The room is white and there are tiles on the floor and on the walls. While it's pretty damn cold, Niall doesn't notice the cold temperature seeping into his skin, where he's sitting on the floor.

All of a sudden he feels like he's falling but in reality he only realizes that he's in his bathroom - in his and Harry's flat.

'How did I get here?', he asks himself while staring at his fingers. He doesn't know what's going on, only that there's a weight on his chest and he can't breathe. Why is there not enough air in the room?

Another thing he now notices is how dry his eyes are. 'I should blink', he tells himself but doesn't do so. He's too afraid to look away from his fingers but he doesn't know the reason.

'My cheeks are wet', he thinks. His cheeks sting, that's why he notices it. That means he's crying but why are his eyes feeling so dry? It's weird but it feels like it doesn't matter.

There are goose bumps on his arms, even though he's not feeling cold and black dots are dancing in front of his staring eyes.

The next thing he feels is his throat. It feels like he's choking, like somebody's hands are around his throat and he can't f*cking breathe.

His chest is getting tighter as the seconds tick by and Niall feels scared.

So, so very scared.

"Why isn't it working?!", he screams and doesn't hear his own words. Is he even saying them out loud?

Another second passes - it feels like an hour - and he wants to know what it is that isn't working. Why are his fingers shaking this much.

More tears are flowing out of his eyes. He doesn't hear Harry coming into the bathroom and seeing his boyfriend on the floor. Only when there are two hands, that aren't his, closing around his own, does he realize there is someone there and he screams. This time not out of frustration but out of fear.

It feels like he has to finish something, like the world will end when he doesn't do it, but he doesn't know what. He just knows that the hands are holding him back from doing that one thing.

"It doesn't work", he cries, not as loud this time.

His fingers are trembling even more and he tries to pry the other hands off of him.

Words are being whispered next to him but he can't see anything really and the words blend into background noise. Just like his harsh breaths and his sniffles.

Somehow, the other hands keep the tight hold on his own and he finds his way slowly back into reality. He's in his bathroom and someone repeats his name.

"Niall, you need to let it go, okay? I've got you", the voice says and Niall does as he's told. He mechanically opens his hands and finally sees what he's got in his palm. There is the top of a razor, but the blade is still in its plastic cocoon. At least half of it. The other halve's plastic is broken, the blade is free.

Niall slowly feels the small cuts in his hands before he sees the red colour covering his hands. There is no pain though.

He continues staring at his hands, waiting for the pain to register in his mind, but it doesn't, so he only stays sitting on the ground.

The other hands took the blade out of his hands already. Niall feels like the other presence is gone again but it isn't.

There is someone sitting down next to him. 'It's Harry', his thoughts tell him but does it even matter?

They sit in silence until Niall feels like he doesn't suffocate anymore. His heart doesn't hammer against his ripcage anymore, the black dots disappeared from his view and his thoughts are more clear.

As soon as he understands what has happened, the tears start flowing faster and sobs escape his mouth without a pause. "Harry", he cries and doesn't have to wait for long.

There are arms around his shoulders instantly and Harry is whispering soothing words into his ear. It doesn't even matter what he's saying. He's here, at Niall's side.

That's enough.