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Ch. 2

Have you ever tried to find beauty in the world? Random beauty that kept your mind racing, and your heart aching? I think I found it once. It was a teenaged boy with ice in his eyes and fire in his heart. He wore low slung boxers and a bare chest with pride as he sat on the steps of a back porch. A cigarette hung on his lips and wisps of smoke curled around his ears and in his hair. The light of the moon cast shadows on his face but you could see it reflecting in his red rimmed eyes. The desperation in those eyes, it was beautiful. The emotion was palpable.
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Did you know when you smile your eyes start to shine?
Did you know I wish you were mine?
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I was walking between Lip and Ian on the way back to my house. Lip had his eyebrows furrowed as Ian and I talked about work.

"I don't understand how you've been able to pull off these late nights at the Kash. Whenever it's time for me to leave Lisa punches my time card for me. Even if I'm checking out a customer!"

"I guess that's just the benefit of having Kash's shift. He stays later so I stay later."

Over the past couple of weeks I was beginning to think that Ian had a thing for Kash. I knew he was gay and had known for a long time, but I didn't think he would really go for an older married guy. Seemed kinda skeevey to me. I don't think Lip knew about Ian either but it wasn't really my secret to tell.

"Yeah well, If I didn't need the day hours I would so switch."

"How did the GED testing go?"

"Well, Lip. Your girl may have pulled through. The lady said that it was the fastest anyone's ever finished the test before."

"Could mean you failed."

"Oh stuff it Lip you know she's just as smart as you."

"Nah, it's ok I could've failed. I got a job for now at least." Lip smirked at me.

"You'll make it, if you want I could recommend some kids that need their SAT's taken. Unisex names and everything."

"I'll leave that market to you big guy. Gonna find my own horizon." He laughed a bit, a twinkle in his eyes. The cigarette behind his ear made him look mature but boyish at the same time.

"Okay, Lyd, now don't get pissy with me. But how is Billy Marshall supposed to help you with those new horizons?"

"Ian—"

"No, no! Hear him out."

"Lip!"

"What?" He put on a fake innocent face.

"Lydia... Billy Marshall is an asshole."

"You don't even know him! He can be so sweet!"

"The only person that's a bigger asshole than Billy, is Mickey Milkovich."

"Ian, that is so harsh! Lip, you think he's an asshole?"

"I'm not getting into this." His jaw had a slight tick like he wanted to say it though. "Oh my god everyone hates my boyfriend!"

"We do not hate him," Ian said. Lip cocked his head and his eyebrows jumped as if that wasn't completely truthful. "We just think that you could do better."

I shook my head in disbelief. Billy had always been nice to me. "Well I'll keep that in mind," I said with an exasperated chuckle.

By this point we're we're nearly at my house and I was hoping my mother would be able to get up and about today. Lately she's been confining herself to one spot in the living-room and watching crap tv while waiting for me to come home. She used to get up every morning and sit at the table drinking coffee, eating breakfast, and reading the newspaper before puttering around the house dusting what was already clean and straightening the straight stack of magazines before reading some book or other. I asked her what she was reading the other day and she said that she hadn't picked up a book in months.