freshman | h.s

017

i walked into the house with my head held low. andrew sat him the same spot he sat when i left only he wore sweats with no shirt. he didn't say a word which i was grateful for but as soon i was actually starting to think i got away he spoke up

"oliva"

i stop from taking my first step on the stairs and pivot. i drop my bag by the stairs and plop next to him on the couch. i face him with my legs crisscrossed

"do you wanna talk?" i ask in a whisper, looking down at my fingers

his warm finger lifted my chin so i could meet his large eyes which was something he never did. i just sat there looking at him and he examined my face. he began to lean in so i pushed him back. i'm serious this time, we're not getting back together

"no" i say sternly

andrews face held a frown, "you can't be serious"

"your just gonna leave anyways so what's the point. honestly, i just want this to be over" i speak honestly

"oh so you were serious when you said all of that the other day?" he looks away in embarrassment or anger, i couldn't tell

andrew and i have already had this conversation a thousand times before with no progress. right when it feels like i've pushed him away he manages to sweet talk me to come back or i blurt out something stupid like when i said i didn't want him to be with anyone else. i should have never said that. i'm such an idiot when it comes to things like this.. this is my first time really being with someone other then andrew and i'm not going to lie it's hard but it's for the best

"i want to be a kid again" i look at him "i want us to be friends like i said before with no hard feelings okay?"

"oliv-" he says in attempt to cut me off

"no seriously listen. this won't lead anywhere. we're family. i can't marry you or have kids with you. i want you to find someone that could give you those things"

i didn't really know what to say. i honestly didn't want to have this conversation but it's deeply needed. i'm getting my priorities  straight, starting with him

andrew let out a long sigh, "okay"

my spit gets caught in my throat at his response. that was a lot easier then i expected...

"what?" i question, hoping i heard him right

"i said okay. if this is really what you want then i'll do it, i'll move on. for you oliva. i've already taken so much from you and i want to make things right so if that means not being with you then i'm willing to make the sacrifice" he shrugs

overall this was for the best. andrew could go back to being a working man in his mid twenties. he'd be able to party, go on dates and live his life like he did far before we became close. and i could go back to being a teenager. i could go to parties and experience things on my own without worrying about what my 25 year old boyfriend had to say about it

i can't stop myself from throwing my arms around him. i squeeze him as tight as i could. his arms wrap around my back unlike they usually would fall on my hips. hopefully andrew and i can move past all of this. the abuse, the love, everything. i can finally have my cousin back

"thanks" i pull back, smiling hard

"anything for you baby girl"

••

now that that was over with i finally feel like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders. although i no longer had to deal with the andrew situation that didn't stop my anxiety from being on 100.