Daddy Issues

One

The girl staring back at me appears just as shocked as I am. Her wide eyes remain unblinking as they absorb the sight of me, her stance rigid and frozen in contemplation. Tarynn's mouth touches a frown which follows a gasp of breath as she fails to recover from her surprise. Perhaps she's astounded by my more than likely rough appearance as I take in the fact that she's, well, perfect, especially in comparison to me. She's not the girl I remember. Her naturally dark hair that used to match mine is now a beautiful shade of caramel with streaks of soft white swirling through it, and her small figure is wrapped in a pale yellow dress much cleaner and more expensive than something she ever used to have worn. I should be pleased that she has evidently done well for herself.

Really, though, I just feel sick.
   
"What are you doing here?" are the first words Tarynn directs at me after a moment of stunned silence. I bite my lip in thought as I prepare a suitable answer, trying desperately to appear unaffected by my sister's cold demeanor. Maybe a part of me, a hopeful, childish part, expected her to fall to tears at the sight of me with an embrace that made me forget the distance between us, forget the pain she left me with. The realistic part of me, however, isn't completely devastated by her seemingly unemotional response to seeing me after all of this time. In the back of my mind, I always knew that if my sister had wanted to see me throughout these past few years, she could have.

    She just never did.

    "I, well, I guess you could say I ran out of places to go," I finally manage to explain, suddenly feeling embarrassed of the fact that I'm at a potentially all time low in my life, while my sister has clearly found her place in the world. Dread and regret suddenly are prominent in my mind, weighing heavily on my heart as the voice in my head urges me to leave. I don't want to ask my sister for help when without me is when she found her success.

    But where else do I have to go?

    She looks at me somewhat reluctantly, as her gaze then flickers around the barren hallway closing in on us. Like she's trying to find an escape, any way to get away from me. My hot face suddenly turns icy when my blood turns cold, fear suddenly overwhelming my being. I find myself feeling the all too familiar itch for something spicy and dominating to claim my throat and ease my mind. The ache in my veins for that strong antidote hurts as I force myself to stay still, to wait at my sister's mercy while she unknowingly dictates my fate. I figured it would be her family obligation at the very least to take me in, to let me crash into her life until I could determine my next move. Now, it's dawning on me that maybe Tarynn will say no. And if Tarynn says no... I won't have a single soul left in the world who could help me.

    "I mean, this isn't my apartment, Rayleigh," she sighs at last, seemingly exasperated by the whole existence of this conversation. My heart skips a beat at the sound of her saying my name, a sound I wasn't sure if she even cared to remember. My heartbeat fails to recover any sort of cohesive pattern after that at the realization that my estranged sister seems anything but happy to see me, that my decision to risk coming all the way to the city was a mistake.  "It's not my call to decide if you can stay here or not."

    "Oh."

    "How did you even find me?"

    My trembling fingers shake violently as I dig through the bag resting at my hip, the bag which is full of the only contents remaining from my life. I stop my search when I find the aged, wrinkled envelope hiding between a half eaten bag of pretzels from the train and nearly empty packet of cigarettes, evidence of my two habits which until today proved to calm my nerves.

    When I reveal the found letter by waving it in the air between us, both understanding and confusion claims Tarynn's expression when her eyes narrow and lips part into question.