Worth it/ A Twist and Shout Epilouge Oneshot

1

2004

Dean looked around his room with tired eyes that fought to stay open. He knew he didn't have very long. He knew he was old and at the end of his days. Dean knew his chemo wasnt helping his stage 4 lung cancer. He laughed a little as he thought about how Cas used to warn Dean about smoking.

"I'm telling you, Dean. Inhaling all that smoke can't be good for your lungs. The human lung isin't built for this much smoke inhalation." Cas said, pointing to a lung diagram in his medical textbook. He looked at Dean as his index finger rested on one of the many thin pages in his textbook. Dean glanced at the diagram before pulling out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one. "Well, I think that textbook is bullshit." Dean said with a laugh as he let out a puff of smoke.
"Language, Dean."
"Sorry."
Dean looked into Cas's ocean blue eyes unexpectantly as Cas took the cigarette from his mouth and snuffed it on the concrete of the porch they were sitting on. Dean feigned sadness as he looked at the cigarette that rested on the ground, now smokeless.
"Rude" Dean replied as he took the cigarette and threw it it front of them, landing about 3 feet away.
" Wow, looks who's weak today."
"Shut up" Dean shot back as he tried to steal a kiss from Cas. Cas quickly pulled away,
disgusted by the smoke flavor Deans lips held. Dean laughed as Cas punched his arm playfully, then after a while, Cas laughed too. They both laughed until they couldnt breathe. And even then, the two boys couldnt stop small giggles from escaping each others mouths now and then.

And in that moment, everything seemed right.

As Dean replayed the fading memory in his head, salty tears spilled out of his eyes. Dean quickly wiped at his eyes and looked around his bedroom. It wasn't too big, just big enough to be comfortable. Old pictures of Dean beside his motorcycle were hung on the wall, along with pictures of Sam and Jess's little girl Abigail, who was now 23 and going to Harvard. Beside the pictures of him and his family, there was a small Polaroid picture of Cas that day they went to the beach. Dean tried to ignore it as much as possible, but his eyes were drawn to it like magnets. Cas looked healthy and happy in that picture, practically the opposite of when he died in the hospital. Dean remembered that day like it was yesterday. He tried not to think about it too often, however. He tried to think about the time he and Cas want to the beach, the times Cas watched Dean race, the times they would dance in their apartment to Elvis.

Dean smiled as his eyes left the picture and made their way to a small box on the nightstand beside his bed. He feebly grabbed it, pulling it into his chest. He stared at the box, tears pricking his eyes as he opened the lid. Inside were tons of letters Dean had written to Cas over the years. Some were yellow with age, while some were as white as the milk that was spilled all those years ago. He shuffled through the box to find the letter Cas had written Dean. Dean carefully grabbed it and inspected it, rereading it for the millionth time. The tears that had built up in his eyes now streamed down his face, leaving trails of salty water down his cheeks. He set the letter aside and grabbed a pen and paper that rested on the nightstand. As he thought, his shaking hands stilled for a minute as he wrote what he suspected to be his final letter.

Dear Cas,
  It's been a while since I wrote you, I hope you'll forgive me. Things have been crazy and it sucks that I can't write that much. But I should tell you I think of you each night. I think of the day we went to the beach. The day I went off to war. The day you died.

I want you to know that you were never forgotten. I remember you, Sam and Jess remember you. Abigail doesn't remember visiting you in the hospital, but she heard stories about you and she always says she can't wait to meet you someday. She is going to Harvard now, you would be so proud. We all are. 

I gotta tell you, life without you has been hard. Did you know they discontinued mountain dew red? I know you loved it, maybe you have plenty now. 

I will be joining you very soon. I know I don't have very long, but I"m not afraid of death. To me, death is just the opportunity to see those eyes I've been missing for 23 years.

I cant wait to see you, darling.

Love, Dean

See you then.