He aimed the crumpled sheet of paper at the trash can, to his far right. Closing his right eye and focusing with his left, he calculated a trajectory and threw. And he failed as always.
His room was littered with papers, pens and paper clips everywhere. He had been trying to get some work done since two weeks. But he was just blank as he had been those weeks ago.
He groaned and slapped himself, "My genius and IQ is of no use to me. I can't even throw this into the trashcan and I am trying to write lyrics."
Laughing dejectedly, he hit his head on his table repeatedly, the force increasing after each word, "Pathetic. I. Am. So. Pathetic."
The last pathetic was really painful, so painful that he took a moment to rise his head.
Murmuring, he rose up from his seat to check his forehead, "Even the table hates me",and in the process knocked his favorite model of Ryan off the table.
"Oh no. No no no noooo"
Fortunately it didn't break . Blessings from the heaven above, it must have been. Stroking it lovingly and squeaking a thanks for not breaking, he stumbled across the room and finally came out of his room without further destruction or fatal injury.
He stretched himself and walked over to the washroom.
"Hey Joon, why is your forehead so red?", Jin asked him while going towards the opposite direction and then not waiting for a reply, "Come fast. Breakfast is ready.", he walked off.
Joon was left hanging midway, "I was trying to write a song- Nevermind. Why ask then if you are in such a hurry?" He walked over to the washroom and checked his forehead. It was very red indeed. He washed his face and went down for breakfast.
After breakfast, he dreaded going back to the room so he helped the maknae with the dishes.
Then he sat down in their drawing room and watched his teammates going about their jobs.
Jimin was going to practice. Jungkook was going to do a cover yet again. Tae wanted to perfect his singing, so he went along with Jin. Hobi went back to his room to work on his music and so did suga.
As he watched them go, memories, both pleasant and sad, flashed before him. They had worked so hard for this. Beating all odds, they had grown this far.
Soon, he was left all alone in the room.
All the fears he always had, along with the new stress that came with their their rise in popularity came rushing to his mind. He was the leader of the group and the burden of the title was no joke. He started pacing the room, up and down. He couldn't let his members down, he would never do so.
"But what if, I can never make good songs anymore? What if I let our fans down? What if I prove myself to be worthless? What if they feel I am no good?
More thoughts clouded his mind..
" So many talented people have come up and they should obviously make it big. But what if we get thrown out of the game?"
It escalated quickly into a mess of stupid useless thoughts...
Why should this world be so competitive? Why did I have to become so untalented? Those people are right. I am ugly and good for noth-
Ouch.. "
He had not been watching where he was going
and stubbed his right big toe on the table. Pressing the pain down and cursing, he sat on the couch. After the pain subsided, he sat silently. He realized he was just thinking of nonsense. It was like this almost everyday now.
Ugh. I am just being stupid and whiny now.
He decided to go down to his favourite Cafe for a break from his thoughts . He dressed up quickly and walked out of the building, making his way to the cafe. He had also taken his camera, just in case.
As he walked, he listened to his favourite songs on his phone. Memories came flooding back to him and he unknowingly smiled.
After ordering his favourite latte, he sat down at his favourite spot and gazed out of the window. People were going up and down the lane. Some were really fast, they seemed to have something on their mind. Some looked tired.
Some students had bunked class and were loitering around. He shook his head and smiled at them. At that time, spring day came on shuffle and the people looked different now as it always did when the song played. He could see beauty, love, longing, affection, sorrow, pain, tragedy and many other emotions he had no idea about.
Then he realised how little he knew about life and himself. How little he knew about love and sorrow, pain and joy. He had been too caught up in his job that he forgot what his actual intention had been. He felt a deep pang of guilt for ignoring his deeper soul.
As his mind played around, he saw a group of kids with their mother. The smallest one, a cute girl child was dragging their mother into the nearby icecream shop and pleading her to buy them ice creams. Their mother tried to look all stern and tried to scold them. All started hopping around her in the cutest way possible, begging her. She laughed and shook her head, yelling, "okay. OKAY."
The kids cheered which resembled a jungle cry.
The way the piled into the shop was both cute and hilarious. Sipping his coffee, he smiled at his own memories with his mother.
He quickly took out his phone and rang up his mom.
"Hello?"
"Hello ma, how have you been?"
"How long has been son? Why don't you call more often? Don't you want us now? I told you to call us. Even your dad was grumbling yesterday. He kept on mumbling about all the packed schedule you had and all the award shows you had to go to and the time you spend with army. IF ONLY YOU PAID HALF OF THAT ATTENTION TO US. ", his mother fumed.
" SORRY MAAAA. really sorry," he laughed. He missed his family so much. He could feel the lump in his throat but he gulped it down fiercely and cleared his throat.
" yes, I have been fine and how about you? Are you taking care of yourself? Do you take those medicines I told you to?"
" I am fine. I am really fine and yes I have been taking care of myself."
"Medicines?"
"uhm. Uh... Yes...er.... I have been taking them too."
"You haven't taken them. YOU FORGOT AGAIN."
"So sorry maaaa. I barely get time. Whenever I come back to my room, I just take a shower and go to bed. I am sorry. I will take care."
"And food. How is the food?"
"The food is really good nowadays", said the guy who had been on diet these days.
"So do you think we will be getting a daughter in law anytime soon?"
"Yes, I think so. If you are planning to adopt a son any time soon, it might happen."
Hearing his mom preparing to shout, he laughed into the phone, "Relax ma, I was kidding. You know how busy we are. So tell me about dad and you. I am just chilling nowadays. Tell me about you."
After the call which lasted for almost two hours, he paid the bill and left the shop, feeling happier and free than ever. All he needed was to hear the soothing voice of his mother. All he needed was that to feel everything was okay in this world and that if he was to fail, he could always return home and be with his beautiful family. And his second family, they would never leave him no matter what. All the sweet things their fans had always told him, reminded him that no matter what happens, he will never be alone. He started to trust the belief he had in himself, his family, his team and their fans.
As he entered his building, a new idea struck him and he rushed to his room. He took out his notepad and started scribbling. He worked at it all through the night.
The next day, he had a beautiful song and a bruise-less forehead.
