September 2012
Amy tiptoed into Sophia's room in the morning. She was going to pull back the duvet, grab her daughter and tickle her, like she always did in the morning. She didn't know that Sophia was already lying awake under the covers. Before Amy could pull it back, Sophia jumped up and yelled "Boo!" making Amy jump.
Sophia fell back on her bed laughing. She was eight years old, and she was even more lively than she'd been before, and she loved playing tricks on people. Last week she'd put baby powder in the hairdryer, and when Amy turned it on to dry her hair after a shower... Sophia thought she'd be in trouble for that one, but thankfully Amy saw the funny side.
"You little monster!" Amy scooped her daughter up and hugged her. She'd only had three years with her, and she'd surprised most people around her by becoming the most devoted mother they'd ever seen. Sophia wasn't spoiled, but she knew how much she was loved. Sophia giggled in Amy's arms. "I'm a scary monster mummy!" Amy kissed her face. "No, you're the cutest little monster in the world!"
That afternoon, Sophia was playing in the back garden with Stitch. She had one end of a rope and he had the other, playing tug of war. Reg and Amy were sitting inside, watching them. "What do you think?" She asked. Reg had moved in with them a week ago. "About living with a kid. How's it been?" It took him a minute to take his eyes off the little girl, she made him smile and he liked watching her have fun. He looked at Amy. "She's great, I really like her." Amy smiled. She knew he liked her daughter, but she hadn't known how the two of them would get on living together.
"Soph!" She called. "Can you come in here please?" Sophia looked up when she heard her name called. "What?" She shouted back. "Come in, please!" Sophia dropped the rope and came inside. Amy was surprised to see an angry look on her daughter's face. "I was playing." She informed them in a slightly cold tone. "Well, you can go back to that." Amy said. "Reg and I were talking and we're going to go to Primrose Hill."
Sophia waited for her mum to continue. "So?" She said.
"Do you want to come with us?" Reg asked her. Sophia eyed him. "No thank you." She said disdainfully, and turned to go back outside. "Sophia, what did I tell you, you little madam?" Amy's voice stopped Sophia in the door. "You told me to always say yes when your boyfriends are nice to me and ask me if I want to do things. But there's been so many I don't want to do it any more!"
Sophia stamped back outside and slammed the door behind her, picking up the rope to play with Stitch again. "...Wow." Reg said.
"I'm so sorry," Amy apologised. "That's another thing she gets from me. She isn't usually like that, I swear." Sophia wasn't usually like that, she just didn't like going out with both of them because they usually did something mushy and gross and forgot she was even there.
Amy left Reg on the sofa and went outside to talk to Sophia. "Sweetheart," she said, walking over to Sophia, who was sitting cross-legged on the ground. "What's the matter today?" She sat opposite her. "Nothing's the matter today," Sophia said. "It's been the matter before."
"What has?" Amy asked, concerned.
"I know Reg is nice to me but every time I go out with both of you you always forget I'm even there and I don't like it. You get mushy and you forget about me." Sophia looked down at the grass and twisted a piece between her fingers.
Amy felt a lump rising in the back of her throat. Had she really done that? She supposed she had, she remembered the times Sophia had come out with them, but she didn't remember actually doing anything with Sophia those times. "Soph, I'm so sorry," she said. She reached out for her daughter's hand, but Sophia didn't move it. "Sophia. Please?" Amy said quietly. "Can I bring Stitch?" Sophia asked. Amy smiled. "Of course."
Amy and Reg were sitting on a picnic blanket on Primrose Hill, surrounded by other people. As soon as they'd got there, Sophia ran off to play with Stitch somewhere else. Amy had let her go, after telling her she had to stay where she could see her. Amy was a helicopter parent, always hovering. She couldn't stand the thought of anything happening to Sophia. Reg had to reassure her by telling her he was watching Sophia as well before she would sit back down.
Reg watched Amy watching Sophia. She never took her eyes off the little girl. Every time Sophia did a cartwheel, Amy's body tensed in case Sophia hurt herself. Every time, Sophia jumped back up smiling, she never fell over, but Amy still watched every move she made. He tapped Amy on the shoulder. "Amy." She turned to look at him. Then there was a loud thump, and they both turned around and saw Sophia lying on her back on the grass looking stunned. Amy stood up immediately. "Sophia! Are you okay? What happened?"
Sophia sat up, shaking grass out of her dark hair. "I'm okay, I think! I tried to do a backflip but it didn't work!" Amy peered closer at her daughter. Nothing seemed to be bleeding or bruised, so Amy said "Don't try that again!" and sat back down on the blanket. "Sorry." She said to Reg. "She's a full-time occupation."
"Do you ever wish you had a break from her?" Reg asked, watching Sophia turn another cartwheel. Amy thought hard. "I do sometimes, I mean I love her but she keeps me really busy. A kid is a lot of work and Sophia's...energetic. She's not too much hassle, but I guess a break would be okay."
Amy didn't know, but Sophia had been running over to her at the moment she said "she's not too much hassle" but what Sophia heard was "she's too much hassle."
Amy heard a voice say "Mum?"
She turned around and saw Sophia standing a little distance away with her eyes full of tears. "I'm too much hassle?" Amy realised Sophia must have misheard what she said. "No, Soph, that wasn't what I-" but Sophia was already running away to join the other kids. Amy saw one of the boys' mothers ask her what was wrong, and then hug her.
"Great," Amy sighed. "Now she fucking hates me." One mother walking past with her son frowned at Amy. Amy ignored her, and then she noticed Reg was looking in his pocket for something. "What are you doing?" She asked. He pulled something out of his pocket and hid it with both his hands. "I asked you if you'd ever want a break from Sophia, because I thought you and I could go on one. A honeymoon." Amy screwed her face up, and then she pieced it together in her head and her eyes widened. "Reg...don't..."
but he opened his hands and opened the black box in them. A ring was inside, the sunshine making it sparkle. "Amy Winehouse, will you marry me?"
Amy was speechless, a million questions running through her head. Will we still live at my house? What about Sophia? If she doesn't want to move its going to be a huge mess....
And then she saw him putting the ring on her finger, realised she must have said yes and not known it. And she was surprised to find out that she felt happy.
Sophia, looking over at them, saw the ring because she always noticed sparkly things. She was only eight but she knew what an engagement ring was. "Oh you have to be joking." She said. Stella's mum put her hand on the little girl's shoulder. "What's wrong, Sophia?" Sophia pointed to Amy and Reg and Stella's mum saw the ring. "Oh dear," she said. "You can come home with Stella if you like, sweetheart." Sophia looked at Stella's mum. She was soft and blonde and smelled like flowers. Sophia had once had a snow day with Stella and her mum had made sure they were both wrapped up warm and when they came back inside she'd brought them hot chocolate with pink marshmallows. Sophia had stayed at home another time it snowed and Amy hadn't even noticed she was playing out the front of the house without a coat on. It was only when Riva walked past and saw her that Amy found out about it.
Sophia nodded, and took Stella's mum's hand and the three of them went back to Stella's house together.
"Are you ready to go?" Reg asked Amy an hour later. "Yeah," she stood up and looked around for Sophia. But she couldn't see her anywhere. She started to panic, thinking Sophia had been so upset that she'd run away. "I can't see her!" She looked at him. "Can you see her?" He stood up and looked around. "No, I can't." He started to worry as well. "Check your phone, she has a phone, doesn't she? Maybe she texted."
Amy took her phone out and checked her messages.
Went home with Stella to play. Congratulations mum.
Amy could hear her daughter's voice in her head as she read the message, and she heard the sarcasm in the last two words. The whole time she was walking home with Reg, she worried about Sophia. She worried her daughter thought she'd become a bad mum. But Sophia wouldn't, would she?
