I died, again.
This has been happening a lot recently. I've died then I'd wake up in my room, cosy in my stained bed. I'll give you a hint on the stains, PlayBoy.
Anyway, when I die I hear my friends scream my name, oh how I wish it was a girl screaming my name as I poun- never mind. When I wake up after an hour of my death and my friends you ask? They act like I've been in bed the whole day and ask why I'm not hanging out with them or why I didn't meet them when I promised to. It's like they forget that I died. Completely.
Ha-ha! Bet you thought this was a horror story! Guess again... I'll tell you
Now, here's MY introduction. I'm Kenny McCormick, I live in a small town called South Park and if you've seen the show or movie then you know exactly where South Park is. If you don't let me show you. Here's a map of the U.S.A, and if you're thick then this stands for the United States of America, dumbasses. This is Colorado and then you see this small section here? That's South Park, not much but its home. Unfortunately. I have 2 best frie-
"Aye! You poor fuck! You forgot about me!"
"Ugh, Shut up Cartman! You're not one of my friends! You rip on me for being poor!"
"If you don't call me your friend, your food stamps go bye-bye"
"You fatass!"
Okay, for Cartman's benefit, I'll change it. I have 3 BEST friends, Stanley Marsh just call him Stan, Kyle Broflovski or Kyley-B if he's in his Jersey moods, and finally fata- I mean Eric Cartman but only his mom gets away with calling him Eric, so unless you want your DAMN FOOD STAMPS BACK!! I would call him Cartman.
"Can I now PLEASE have my fucking stamps back now?"
"Hmmm, let me take 3 seconds to think about that... NO!"
"Cartman, just give them back, Kenny doesn't deserve this"
"Stay out of this Kile, you fucking Jew"
"Stop ripping on me for being Jewish dude! And my name is not Kile, its Kyle. You've known me since we were 2 years old, thought you'd know this"
"Well Jew boy, if he wants them back he'll have to fight me"
Well I clearly don't have to do that, Cartman is just full of shit. He's a literal tub of lard, I mean every day for breakfast he has 20 pancakes coated in maple syrup and butter, 6 powdered doughnuts and 4 churros. He has that every fucking damn day! And what do I have? Beer, that's it. Now! Where was I? Oh yeah, I was gonna punch fatass in the stomach.
"Ahhhh! You fucking poor piece of sh-"
"Holy shit! Who knocked him out? Kenny? Did you do it?"
"No dude, I only punched him in the stomach. You would've seen me do it Kyle"
"It was me, he gets on my fucking nerve, and here you go Kenny"
"Craig, thanks"
And he gives me the classic Craig Tucker finger. I'll just give him one back.
"Ha-ha, thanks McCormick, say..."
Oh shit, he's too close! No, Kenny. Don't blush. Kenny Playboy McWhoremick doesn't get nervous.
"Oh! Kenneth McCormick is blushing huh? Haven't seen that since you left my bedroom this morning..."
Okay... let's do a little 'wibble wobble' memory time...
*Ten Hours Earlier*
I was at a party with Kyle, Stan, Tweek and Craig.
"I can't believe you! This is the third time you cheated on me!" I heard Tweek scream at Craig
"Whoa! Tweek calm down, go with Kyle and I'll deal with Craig" I kindly said as a teary eyed Tweek waddled off with a tired Kyle.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I mumbled due to my hood, Craig stood there in awe
"What the hell you looking at?" I started to raise my voice at this point
"I finally see your hair colour" He dazzled at the clump of blonde that's slowly falling out of my parka hood.
"Can I see the rest of you?" He sexily requested.
I had no time to answer before he started to undo the zipper of my parka
"I- I have to go!" I jogged off while zipping up my parka.
I ran into my car where Kyle was cradling a depressed and tearful Tweek. I put my keys into the ignition, turn the keys and hear the sound of my pick up truck's engine go. Before I started driving I looked at Tweek, contemplating if I should tell him what Craig tried to do back at the party. Me being a good friend, decided not to since he's broken enough and it wasn't that big of a deal right? Right?!...
"So, Tweek. Are you coming back to Kyle's with me or do you wanna go home?" I asked the twitchy boy in the back seat. As he started to speak I drove off.
"I w-was go-ing to st-ay wit-h C-raig, but I'-ll come w-ith you g-uy-s" the twitchy fella stuttered as I collected Stan from Wendy. Well more like dragged. And we sped off to Kyle's place. His parents are out so we were gonna order pizza and play video games.
We got in. Took our coats, hats and shoes off. Ran to the TV and started playing Street Fighter. I do take my parka off around the guys so when I took it off Tweek was dazzled and dazed when he saw me without it.
An hour passed and I saw Craig's name flash on my phone, he's calling me.
I asked Tweek to take over my position in the game while I go to the kitchen and take the (un)fateful call.
"Hey Sexyass!" I hear Craig scream from my phone.
"What do you want dude?" I questioned impatiently.
"I want you... Kenneth McCormick" He really sounded drunk at this point.
I looked at the guys in the living room.
"Who's that Ken?" Stan asked.
"My mom, she wants me home" I replied to the shaggy black haired boy.
"Come outside to your truck Kenny" Craig whispered, I felt my pants tighten. Shit.
"Ok, bye" I quickly left and sprinted to my truck, forgetting my parka on the way.
"I knew you had blonde hair, sexy" I jumped at the sound of his voice.
"How'd you get into my truck?" I worriedly questioned.
Craig held up a set of keys I gave him when he was learning to drive, he still failed his test after.
"Oh, right" I shyly blushed at the sight of him.
"Take us home sweet" Craig sexily demanded while kissing my cheek.
With that I drove to Craig's, not knowing what I just agreed to.
*Cliff Hanger!*
Words: 1143
I hope you all enjoyed this part of my story, I'll see you sexy people in the next chapter...
Hopefully!
~Kenny McCormick
