Wounded Hearts Will Conquer

Chapter 4 - Only For You

Chapter 4
Evan
Only For You

Why is it this warm in the first week of October; I thought as I slipped on a pair of loose fitting, dark washed skinny jeans and white button up. I rolled the sleeves up to my elbows and quickly fixed my mess of black heap on the top of my head. I pushed it back a bit, so it stood up slightly on the top of my head. It was too warm to be messing around with gel and other products that I knew would melt under the burning rays otherwise.

It was the beginning of October in New York, and it was almost eighty-five degrees. By now, the clouds should be covering the sky in grey smog and colder air should be forming. It shouldn’t be sweltering and sticky outside right now.

I shook my hair out a little more and made my way downstairs. I kissed my mother on the top of head as she played with a frying pain filled with pancake batter.

”Pancakes today?” I asked, smiling down at her small, five foot frame. She smiled up at me beneath her dark eyelashes and winked.

”Just for my boys,” she grinned. “Speaking of that, where’s baby Greg?”

”Mom! I’m not a baby anymore! I’m ten years old for Pete’s Sake,” my baby brother’s voice protruded through the kitchen opening as he looked up at my mother with a pitying look.

”Well sweetie, when you’re almost twenty-one like Evan, than maybe I’ll think about not calling you baby anymore,” she said, kissing him on the forehead, pushing his blonde hair back from his eyes.

I laughed at him as he held the same frown when he sat down at the table in front of me.

”Shut up, Evan!” He said, sticking his small tongue out at me. I stuck mine out back out at him, and tapped him on the side of the head.

”Oh Jesus, you’d think that after he passes the legal age of adulthood that he’d stop sticking his tongue out at others,” my mother sighed, placing a paper plate filled with mouth-watering pancakes in front of me. I immediately dug in, laughing at her comment as I chewed.

”Ah, I forgot to tell you, sweetie. The 24 boys called the other day and they wanted to invite us to the benefit concert that Phillip Keys is holding next Friday! Oh, that man has such a voice, and such a cute-“

”Mom!” I yelled, cutting her off from gushing about the old man any further. I wasn’t much into country music so I didn’t understand why she was telling me all of this.

She smiled sweetly at me. “But you’ll go right?”

”No offense to the Ladder 24’s, Mom, but why would I want to go to a country event when I don’t even like country music?” I asked, shoveling the last piece of pancake into my mouth, immediately wiping my mouth with a napkin.

”Because it would mean a lot to your father…” she murmured, clearly trying not to bring him up in front of Greg Jr. With the mention of my father’s name, Greg Jr. would either cry instantly, wishing he got the chance to meet him, or be excited and want to know more about him. It was a pretty sore subject in my house when it came to little Greg, but wasn’t that hard for my Mom and I to speak of when we were alone.

”Daddy would like it?” he questioned, his voice rising. He looked up at Mom with those large blue eyes filled with excitement. When he was happy at the mention of Greg Sr., he was always trying to find ways he knew would please him. It was like Greg’s little way of showing appreciation for the man who he never had the chance to know. It was his way of being closer to him without him actually being there.

”He would,” she said, slowly and cautiously, trying to gauge his reaction. My Mom and I say silently on the edge of our seats, the large majority of us expecting a massive outburst in five seconds.

”Oh my god, Evan! Can we go, can we go? I want to be there for Daddy. Please!” he bounced up down on the wooden dining chair and looked at me expectantly.

A small part of me really did want to do this for Dad, too, even if I didn’t like this Phillip Keys guy. I kept eye contact with little Greg as I slowly nodded my head in agreement. His large blue eyes immediately lit up and he ran to hug me quickly.

”Thank you, thank you, thank you, Evan! Now I need to go pick out a good outfit for Daddy!” he said, rushing out of the room, leaving his uneaten breakfast behind him. I gripped the dog tags lightly, out of habit.

”You’re a sweet man, Evan,” she said, lightly. She kissed my head and looked me straight in the eyes, her green ones serious. “Your father would be very proud of you for doing this for baby Greg,” she said.

I just nodded my head slowly and picked up my plate, placing in the trashcan. I didn’t know how I was going to deal with this. Yes, the Ladder 24 guys have been a huge help for the past ten years since Dad passed away, but anything involving my Dad was always a sore subject. I couldn’t deal with this alone. Mom would be there, but she’d be too googly-eyed for that Phillip guy, and little Greg would be busy with the rest of the guys.

I held onto the silver tags and repeated that I could do this, over and over in my head.

I could do this.

*****

After I made it to my car for a bit of fresh air, I called Aaron.

Aaron Meehan was the pure definition of a best friend. If you needed a place to stay, his couch was open. If you needed money, he’d have his wallet in hand in thirty seconds. And if you needed a life to be saved, he’d be the one showing up in the yellow and red suit with fire equipment in hand.

He was a firefighter, just like my Dad had been. And he’s working for the Ladder 24 men as well. My Dad even knew Aaron as a kid before he passed away. Aaron’s only about three years older than me, and we shared the same block name before he moved away with his mother when I was 15. We grew up together and our families were inseparable. I knew I could always count on him to make things better, especially when it came to things going on with my Dad.

”Hey, what’s up Ev?” he exclaimed, clearly excited to hear from me.

”Hey dude. Nothing really, just driving around is all…” I let my voice fall out. The thoughts of that stupid day back in ’01 when everything in my life crumbled scratching at the surface.

”Ah, so you’re thinking again?” I shook my head, forgetting that he wasn’t next to me. He knew me too well.

”You know me. I just…Mom told me you guys were holding some benefit thing?”

”Yup,” he said, popping the ‘p’. “Phil Keys is holding it for us. Cause you know Chief Keys was his Dad and all. He always feels like he needs to give back to us. Which I don’t think he does…”

”I don’t care about the whole country dude. This is my Dad’s home we’re talking about here, Aaron. His friends. This was his life for as long as I can remember. Now I have to go back and relive all that shit again? I don’t think I can do it…” I sighed, gripping the steering wheel with my one hand a little tighter. As the conversation turned serious, I pulled over, into a grocery store parking lot, with the air conditioner on blast.

”Evan, man, you have to stop this. He died almost ten years ago. You can’t do anything about what you said that day, you know that. Some of his best friends are in this Ladder, and they would love to see you. They see Jr all the damn time. It’s time you step up and talk to all of them again. You can’t avoid all of this for the rest of your life.”

I felt that stupid brick on my chest feeling creep up on me again for what felt like the thousandth time since Dad had died. I clawed at my chest, stretching out the fabric of my white button up. Why had I even worn this damn thing in this heat?

”I can hear you freaking out through the phone man. Calm down. Breathe,” Aaron whispered through the phone. He was probably at work and didn’t want the other guys to hear what was going on. But, I steadied my breathing none the less, and sighed again.

”You’re right, man. I know I need to fix this shit. It’s not good for me, or for anyone I’ve been avoiding. How are the guys anyway?”

”They’re doing pretty good. They’re all excited to be kid-free and drunk off their asses next week,” he laughed.

”I bet they are,” I laughed. I ran my hand through my hair again, and thought of Little Greg and what this would do to him if I decided not to go. I picked up the tags off of my chest and stroked them gently with my fingers. “I’m going to do it, Aaron.”

”Good,” he exclaimed. “I knew you would. You just need to get out of your own head for a while. This will do you some good dude. Plus, I heard Phil Keys daughter is pretty hot,” he laughed again.

I laughed with him and kept the smile on my face all the way back to my house. I think all I needed was a little reassurance from someone other than my own mother, to know that I could move on and deal with all this finally. It’s been long enough, like Aaron said.

I could do this.