Experimental

Chapter 1: Blue Eyes

Warning: Shit ton of anxiety and slight suicidal mentions!

Dan's P.O.V.

I glanced one final time at my appearance in the mirror hanging from my wardrobe. I tilted my head from side to side, even biting my lip in concentration, as I overly admired myself. I studied the way my dimple appeared when I forced my lips into an immense smile. I ruffled my curly chocolate brown hair at an attempt to get it to lay down properly. I signed when it vehemently refused to work with me. I straightened up the collar on my black button-up and grazed my hands over my chest to eliminate any possible creases left in the shirt, even though I had ironed it last night.

I rolled my eyes at myself and turned away when I realized how dissatisfied I was. I groaned and face palmed at how ludicrous I was being with myself. I was going out for a short trip to the comic shop, not to a wedding. I shouldn't be this concerned about my reputation when I know anyone I come into contact with today will be utterly erased from my memory by tomorrow. I removed my head from my hands and sneaked a glimpse at myself in the mirror for the thirtieth time since I got dressed. I tried to restrain myself from smiling, but gave in when my cheekbones begun to ache.

I had decided on a combination of casual and formal for my outfit today. My top was one of the more fanciest items of clothing that I own and that I also never have the chance to wear. I never leave my apartment, so why would I have any need to? My jet black jeans were ripped slightly at the knees, just enough for my skin to pop out whenever I'd step forwards. My shoes were a simple black and white pair of vans, that were slightly too small for my behemoth sized feet.

I couldn't believe I had actually gathered up enough courage to step outside for a different reason other than to just buy groceries. A new comic book shop, Comic Sense, had just opened a little ways down the street from my flat and I was so excited when I mindlessly scanned over their website. They had ancient comic books from my childhood that left me with a warm feeling of nostalgia. I debated in my head for two days straight rather or not I should actually bothering going. Social interaction is intimidating and spine-chilling in my opinion and I really didn't know if I wanted to take that risk.

I had watched Phil make a video talking about how much he had already fallen in love with the comic shop within the short time it had been opened. He had been enough inspiration for me to come to a conclusion.

I, Daniel Howell, the most awkward human in existence was going to a place where undoubtedly could lead to my death. Well, not my actual death but a mental crippling void that I couldn't escape from.

Whenever I'd find myself caught up in an awkward conversation or social crisis that I had no way of avoiding, I would literally freeze up. I couldn't move, speak, or react. I'd begin having an anxiety attack inside of my head while completely incapable of controlling my physical movement. The worst part of it was that nobody would be able to detect my current state of mind. Everything around me would continue moving on normally, while I was drifting apart further from reality by each passing second.

When I was around the age of thirteen, I had just enrolled into a private all-boys-school. I should've known better that my friendly yet extremely introvert personality would be an easy target for a bunch of lonely despicable teenage hormonal school boys. I worked endlessly trying to be the bigger person, but their words were as sharp as knives that penetrated something deep inside of me. It didn't make it any easier that they found it hilarious to humiliate me. Especially when the entire school body discovered my dirty little secret, bisexuality.

His name was Liam Edwards. His chestnut hair mixed with his luminous hazel eyes had at one point drove me wild. He'd sit in front of me during English, and I'd stare at him from behind. I loved watching the way his shoulders expanded widely with each inhale of breath. I admired all of his physical features and desired to trail my fingers across his body with tenderness in my touch. I tried to keep my fondness towards him hidden, but I soon realized how challenging it was to suppress my thriving feelings. I was terribly awkward and nervous, and I ruined every chance I got to speak to him. I believed my fantasy of confessing my undying love for him would forever manifest itself in my imagination instead of becoming a reality. That was until my English teacher decided to pair us up for a partner project. The moment both of our names left her lips in the same sentence, my eyes bulged and my nails dug harshly into the sides of my wooden desk. I had been in the middle of a cheesy daydream, my jaw slack, my back uncomfortably curved against the metal seat, and my fingers mindlessly fumbling with my pen. I was lost in a separate universe that my mind had created to distract myself. I was completely detached, my teachers lecture inaudible to me, until she let our names roll so easily off of the tip of her tongue.