^^^Just look at all those straightened chips MMMmmmhmmm ❤. I'm irrationally proud of my chip rack 😂😂😂😭
Introduction
Hello creepy strangers! In real life I am a Subway Employee. It is actually a pretty nice job. However, customers and inconvenient situations pop up and disturb my peace. So on a whim, I decided to make a rant book. Basically, I will detail a situation, where physically (from the customer's POV) I was all genial and polite, but on the inside, mentally I was freaking out. Enjoy!
Italicized phrases are dialogue between me and the customer. My dialogue is in bold. Each paragraph is a new rant. I didn't want to post a new part for every rant and harass the notifications of the few followers that I have.
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Okay when putting sauces on a sub, the standard is 2 lines. For most customers, that is fine. Other customers tell you specifically what they want in a polite manner. But some assholes wait until you squirt 2 lines, and then they get all offended and say "Scrape that off" and force you to make a mess of your knife. You tell yourself mentally to move on and learn from the situation, so with the next customer you slowly squeeze the bottle while making deep uncomfortable eye contact. Then what do you hear "Keep going" and then they make some comment about how the owner must be stingy. You can't win. I hate them all
At least once a week, someone will order a Cold Cut Combo sandwich, and at the register they will get all pissy because they thought it "came" with a drink and chips. Nooooo, that is the name of the sandwich. Idiots.
Sometimes people want a refund for their food. That would be okay, but if the food was so bad WHY DID YOU EAT ALL OF IT?! THE ANSWER IS NO, HAVE A FREE COOKIE. AND IT IS NOT THE STORE'S FAULT IF THERE WAS LESS CHIPS IN YOUR BAG THAN YOU WANTED. AND DON'T THINK ABOUT STEALING A BAG OF CHIPS BECAUSE I AM WATCHING YOU, YOU CHEAP ASS FUCKS.
"These cookies are underdone" Well, what can I do to fix this ma'am. "I want some more cookies" What flavor? "The same flavor that I got before, chocolate chip" Ma'am, there are no other chocolate chip cookies AND THE BITCH LOOKS AT ME LIKE I'M SUPPOSED TO GO BAKE ANOTHER SET OF COOKIES OR GIVE HER A REFUND FOR HER WHOLE MEAL. YOU CAN'T BREAK ME! YOU CAN'T!! THOSE WEREN'T EVEN HER COOKIES, THEY WERE HER BROTHER'S COOKIES. SHE WAS JUST TRYING TO CAUSE TROUBLE. THAT FAT CUNT.
People like to walk into the store, give us a dirty look, use the restroom, and walk out without acknowledging us. Such disrespect...
For some customers, they seem to have 2 voice settings: mumbling really low or a sharp, condescending tone. BISH IT AIN'T MY FAULT THAT YOU CAN'T ENUNCIATE TOMATO, IT SOUNDED LIKE MAYO.
"I want the freshest bread" Of course! Lady, I just got on my shift. How the FUCK am I supposed to know which pieces are freshest. It doesn't make a difference. WHAT MAKES YOU SO SPECIAL?!
"The Subway a few miles from here, cost less. Explain yourself" First off, you jackass, the stores are individually owned. All prices from corporate are recommendations, not requirements. Second, you piss ant, we have higher taxes here and they're gonna get higher. Third, I shouldn't even have to explain myself to you, you picky, coupon using, condescending, little shit because I AM AN EMPLOYEE, NOT AN OWNER OR EVEN A MANAGER!
"That table is dirty" Yeah, someone just sat at it, 3 giggling cunts that just HAD TO DRIP TEA ON THE FLOOR!
Oh you have a coupon *uses price override to discount the cheapest sub, so that they still have to pay for the most expensive one* YOU ARE NOT PAYING ONLY 6 DOLLARS FOR AN 8 DOLLAR FULLY LOADED ON VEGGIES SUB. YOU'RE WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY. SUBWAY STORES ARE INDIVIDUALLY OWNED. IT IS NOT SOME FACELESS CORPORATION THAT YOU ARE CHEATING OUT OF PROFIT, IT IS SMALL TIME ENTREPRENEURS!
"The sweet tea is out" Thank you! Yeah, I will get right on that, right after I finish serving THIS BUS! I'M BUSY BITCH!
It's 10 pm. Time to close! *sees someone pull up in their car* *I look at the manager, she looks at me* *I welcome the customer in with a smile on my face, but rage in my heart
So my responsibilities as a Subway Employee are to make subs, ring up, do dishes, stock chips and the bottled drinks, and keep the lobby clean. I always make the lobby my first priority and then I can steadily progress on everything else to be ready for closing...BUT IT IS KIND OF DIFFICULT TO KEEP THE LOBBY CLEAN, WHEN FOR SOME FUCKING REASON EVERYONE DECIDED SUBWAY IS THE PLACE TO BE FOR FRIDAY DATE NIGHT!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!!
*sees that there is no back up lettuce* *thinks that it is only an hour to close, that is plenty enough lettuce, no need to make more* "Hey, I would like a veggie salad." Damn it.
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That felt good. I might continue this. I might not. I think I covered most of the situations that make me angry.
Stay creepy!
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The Rants of a Subway Employee
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