Depressed Days

Chapter 1: How My Living Nightmare Began

2:35 am

I lie in bed, wide awake. The music doesn't work anymore, it doesn't block out the memories that haunt me. The monsters that use to live under my bed, now wander around lurking in my head. I cry myself trying to sleep and Oh God, no, it can't be, I'm starting to remember another nightmare that I've lived through.

~I'm 5 years old hiding inside of my closet. I put clothes on top of me and shut the closet door. I breath ever so quietly because God forbid someone were to find me. I'm hiding because I'm scared that my father is going to barge into my room and hit me again. I silently cry at the thought of it. I put my hand over my arm where a handprint laid. Maybe if I hide he won't find me and leave so I can run away before he gets to me. "What did I do wrong?" Oh yeah, that's right, my sister, Nicole, got upset that I wouldn't play with her so she told him that I hit her. I can't get hit again, no it just couldn't happen, I'm too young for this to be happening. Then again, parents are allowed to be doing this. I should consider myself lucky, after all he did say "You shouldn't even be crying, that's nothing compared to what you're going to get next time!" Those words would soon live to haunt me forever. Two and a half hours pass and get up out of the closet when I think it's safe for me to leave. The yelling has gone down... for now...~

5:45 am

I suddenly wake up. I turn over to my left, only 5:45 am, hey, at least I got some sleep. More and more nightmares haunt me night by night. I wish only that they were just that, nightmares, but of course it's faint memories that happened years ago. I get ready for school. I hear echoes of yelling and fighting in the other room. I ignore it and keep on straightening my hair. 1st period begins.

"Hey Jessica!"

"Oh, hey there Claire..."

*I slowly limp on over to her as get out into the gym*

"....Is your hip still hurting you?"  she asks with a concerned expression.

"Yeah.." I give her a faint smile trying to lighten up the mood.

We begin gym by stretching and then running. I walk in as usual, get a drink, and then sit down. Something was off though. I look down and see my leg pulsating on my left knee. The skin then turns into this white mush. I can't believe it! I must be seeing things.

It's so embarrassing when people stare as I walk, especially when running. I hate having to leave a minute early just so I can get to class on time because I walk and limp so slow- I think to myself.

There was this cute guy, Matt, who had caught my eye. We've been talking and flirting, but I didn't stand a chance considering I was known as the girl with medical issues. I just had too much baggage to ever give myself courage and confidence that we would ever date.

I later get home and catch up with my friend, Michelle. We talk the day away about how we're over winter and can't wait for summer to come.

"I'm have so much muscle, look" Michelle said as she wrapped two hands around her thigh.

I try to do the same, only I can't wrap two hands around it. She looks up at me with a sad smile. This is the moment I realized that I'm a fat fuck who needed to get thin. This was when I met my beautiful friend, Ana. She got me obsessed with working out and portion control. Counting calories became a daily thing. Plus, I need to be thin since my twin sister is thinner than me.