For as long as I can remember..
I grew up alone..
I always felt alone too.
I have a mother, father, and older sister who is 14 years older than me (I'm 21). So right from the start I felt like the odd ball because of the age difference.
Now that I think about it, I dont think my sister interacted with me that much when I was growing up. That or I dont remember. One memory I do have is quite vivid. I may have been 4 or 5 at the time but I saw my sister typing on the computer and I wanted to type too.
It was one of those oooolld computers and I remember the screen being black with yellow font color. She kept telling me no and I whined until my mother came in the room and she said "Let her on the computer!" So you know, the typical sister-sister bond wasn't up to par so she got out of the chair with an attitude and I climbed to sit on it and was just typing my heart away, even if I had no idea what I was doing at the time.
From the time I was a baby up until 12 years old, I went to daycare, including summers. It was alright for the most part. I made friends that helped me cope with loneliness.
However, I always went back to a lonely house. I had plenty of toys from Bratz dolls, Barbie dolls, Legos, playhouse sets, a remote control robot, a remote control Barbie car, to the more expensive ones. My first handheld was a Gameboy Advance that my dad gave me one Christmas and I looooved it. Still do to this day and its still in working condition.
I had games of Super Mario Bros, Donkey Kong, Barbie, Shrek, and more. But I lost most of them ._. 😂
I'd stay in my room all day playing with almost everything I had. My sister was gone most of the time and stayed with her dad in another city (we have different fathers). I never really questioned it but it always got boring being by myself while my mother was cooking or handling some kind of business and my dad was chilling or doing house work. Alot of times Id ask him to play with me but he always ended up falling asleep on me. It kinda made me sad because I could be having a blast but then soon as I turn around, he's out like a light.
~
Nighttime seemed to be the worst hours of the night...
My parents would argue.. and argue.. and argue.. sometimes over the silliest things and I'd sit in my room and just listen, being helpless.
Alot of times, she'd kick him out. I'd stand there crying because I couldn't do anything then everytime he left, I'd go back in my room. I hated being in the same house as her after an argument.
Alot of times he'd try coming back the next night, ringing the doorbell and I'd sprint to the door but then my mom would shout,
"You better not open that door! Go back in your room, now!"
I'd instantly cry and go back, otherwise I would have gotten a whooping. I'd crawl into bed, listening to him ring the doorbell and knock on the door multiple times.
*knock knock knock*
....
*ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong*
.......
The part that always broke my heart the most was when I'd hear him start his car and run to the window to see him pull out of the driveway leaving. I'd cry more then my mother would come in my room and demand me stop.
And this occurrence happened often.
I have plenty of aunts, uncles, and cousins. As a child I'd see them often but as I got older, more family issues emerged and it's now to the point where it feels like I dont have family at all.
