My mind

I'm Trapped

This song is my favorite song in the world: Better Off Dead by Sleeping With Sirens

I want to die but I don't want to leave my family and friends behind. I was also raised a Christian and I'm afraid of Satan. I need help but I don't want help. I'm sick and no one seems to understand that I'm different. My mom understands depression, but not everyone is the same so she doesn't understand my mind. Even though people want me to get better and are supporting of me, what they say still unintentionally hurts me. I feel guilty because they're trying to help and I'm such a weak-minded person. My antidepressants are not working either. I feel like crying would help, but because of the medicine, I can't. Some days for me are better than others, and I can go one minute feeling fine and then have one wrong thing happen and want to end it all again. That leads me to the trapped part. I'm trying to make the best of my life because I can't kill myself. I can't bear the thought of my little brother growing up without really knowing me, or one of my family finding my body, or what my friends will feel like. I am afraid of Hell and what it will be like. I want to dream forever or just stay in my bedroom for weeks on end, not having to talk or work or move. The problem is with school and basic needs like water and the bathroom, and we are very limited on money so we can't afford a bigger house. I'm roomed with my little sister. I need an escape. There's chances that I'll stop feeling this way in a couple of minutes but right now I need to have an escape and I don't know what that is.

I most likely just ruined your happy mood. I'm sorry.

I just need someone to hear my call and tell me it's okay.