The Self Esteem Book

| The Past |

They say leave the past in the past,
But the past always chooses to visit me.

If it was my choice to let it go do you think I'd be here?

Do you think I'd have to change my pillow cases in the middle of the night?

Your words hurt.

And they stay.

No amount of times, years, months, centuries, they can't change your words because it's like a record player that I can't find.

It goes on and on and on and I'm stuck going crazy looking for it.

It says the exact same words, over and over and I'm forced to listen to it.

Think about what you sya before you say it.

Words?

Words are forever.

× × ×

About a year ago I took a risk.
I was lost in my own world and I 'fell in love'.

I wanted to rebel.

I wanted to hurt those who hurt me.

And the outcome was terrible.

I hurt myself.

But I can't go in depth.

× × ×

I told a lie, and it blew up in my face not too long after.

I hurt someone else.

But I can't go in depth.

× × ×

It feels like no matter what I do I either destroy myself or I hurt others and I don't do it deliberately.

I just want to be GOOD ENOUGH.

× × ×

I don't like the past so much,
Buy like most crazy males in these romance books its obsessed with me.

I hate myself for all the times I talked too much and said some cringey crap.

Or

When I do some stupid shîî and then someone calls me out on it.

These memories. . .

The ones where I remember arguments with my parents?

Or

When I caused those arguments?

I'm lost.

There's so much to explain.

But I Can't Go In Depth.