Letters to Jonghyun

10

Dear Jonghyun oppa, Once again, I cannot sleep because I'm crying asking myself why, why didn't I notice your pain? why didn't I knew you weren't okay?, but I don't think I'll answer that questions never. So I decided to write my feelings somewhere and pretend that I'm talking to you so maybe that way I feel better. I don't blame you for what you did, I'm actually really sorry for not seeing that you weren't okay, and it actually hurts a lot when I try to understand that you are not here. Sometimes when I watch your videos I really feel you are still here with all of us but then when I come back to reality and I cannot hold that tears, that tears that fight for coming out of my eyes, I really miss you, a lot. I just wish that you are happy and in peace anywhere you are. I feel really bad when I try to understand what you where going through at the point of not handling life. Today, while I was watching some MVs and I thought that maybe the idea of you becoming an idol wasn't that bad as you thought, you helped a lot of people that might have passed the same as you, you helped lots of people, some of them are happy now because of you, another may have committed suicide because you where the thing that kept them going. I like to imagine that they are somewhere with you, I'll wait some years to see you again until I can hug you, I want to create memories and to live as I think you wanted all of us to live and then when we meet again I promise I'll explain everything to you. I just wanted to say thank you for everything you did, you are an amazing singer, an amazing songwriter, an amazing friend, an amazing idol. Please keep shining in the sky, I love watching the stars and thinking that you are one of them, it makes me feel closer to you. Please don't stop teaching everyone in heaven how to dance ring ding dong and show to everyone your music, it is hard adapting to not having you here but I'll try to forget you until we meet again. I will always love you bling bling, I love you Jonghyun.

-Maria

by mafdezz

thank you for your lovely letter