Alternative Children Stories - Alternate Endings

Little Red Fighting Hood

NINJA!

That should just be the whole chapter right there. Honestly, you don't need to know more. She was trained in the art of Bakom. This fighting style was mixed with a few others (like Jujitsu and Vale Tudo), to make a totally narley fighting technique. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. I bet you think I made this Martial Technique up. No, I actually do research, and also, I do not make up these totally real stories.

Roberto Puch Bezada, as you should know is Little Red Fighting Hood...I mean, Riding Hood, who lived in Peru. Knowing where she lived has nothing to do with this story. So yay. 

Yes, she was named...poorly. I feel truly sorry for this girl to be called...that. 

But the story does not revolve around her, silly people.
It revolves around the wolf, who's, beloved readers, name was Aristo. As all my stories have been, the evil persons have been wrongly accused of being wicked.  I know, you're thinking, "seriously? You aren't being creative. I mean, this has been all of your 'totally true stories' so far!"

My dear readers! This is not so! Would I, Napoleon the pig, ever lie to you, comrades? We do not like for lies to come back to any book, would we, comrades!? Did I EVER lead you in the wrong? I say to you, humans alike! I say, I have never besought upon you the deception of the crossed eyed double crossings of the bird brained animals have I, comrades? Two legs good, four legs bad!

Okay I will stop with the animal farm.

But anyway, the wolf, was a very bored kind of wolf. Wouldn't you be bored if you were him? His life was sooo boring. His wife, whose name was Galatea (Gaul-ah-tay-ah), was an absolute pest. She would bother him about their house; "It's JUST TOO small!!" She would bother him about their clothes; "IT'S JUST TOO CASUAL!" And so on and so forth.

He just wanted peace and quiet.

So if he was out in the woods just thinking to himself about how he was gonna get a divorce, and just wanting quietness...wouldn't YOU BE ANNOYED IF A SINGING GIRL WENT THROUGH THE FOREST STOMPING ON EVERY POSSIBLE DRIED LEAF AND EVERY STICK ON THE PATH??

WOLVES HAVE SENSITIVE HEARING, YOU KNOW! I do know that I said that she's all NINJA! In the beginning, and Roberto is when needed. But now is not when she thought it was needed.

Roberto was probably doing more hollering then singing, probably belting random things like, "I like CHEESE. I would really like TO HAVEEEE that." And, "I am a bit HUNGRY. I wonder if Grandma would mind if I was TO HAVEEEE some of the FOODDDD." A/N There was no bunny wabbit in the basket saying, "What's Up, Doc?"

So the wolf was just very disturbed and angry at all of the ruckus. I wouldn't be surprised if he threw down his papers full of his wonderful poems, and ran up to the red hooded ninja. "Can you please be quiet?" He said in his loudest voice, which almost got as loud as a light breeze through the forest.

"WHAT? BE QUIET?? I AM SORRY BUT YOU GOT A SOFT VOICE...TO HAVEEEE!!!" Said the Bakom master, who, was as quiet as a Boeing 747 plane if it was going very low overhead. 

Mister Aristo, was quite beleaguered at this onerous like girl.

Now before we continue, in this version you don't really hear much about grandma. She practically isn't in it. She's just vaguely mentioned in the beginning of the story that Red Fighting Hood was going there with food. Otherwise this is it, Fams. Also, very unimportant thing to add is that she forgot to bring meat. So whoops.

Aristo barked (like a pillow being slammed against a floor), "I can't believe no one understands the true niceness of quietness!" Then he put up his princes...he put up his bishops...he put up his kings....he put up his dukes...there. "Alright!" He boomed like a rabbit. "Come at me bro! Put up your queens....your princesses...your duchesses! Yeah that's it! Put up your duchesses!"

The poor wolf. He could've maybe won...except for the fact that if you do your research on Bakom you will find that they are also dirty double crossers and do not fight fair. And they often have a hidden knife. Roberto had a hidden Bazooka. How? Do not question it. Partially because I have no idea.

So in the end, in order to cut the gore, Roberto Puch Bezada, the person who invented the fighting technique Bakom (look it up), ended up bringing meat after all. 

The End

P.s Peoples, I hope you learned something in this chapter: beleaguered and onerous means annoyed and annoying. And that Bakom is a fighting technique, and that a guy named Roberto Puch Bezada made it up, it originated in Peru, and that it was a mix of Jujitsu and Vale Tudo, and that usually you do not fight very politely. And you should always bring a Bazooka TO HAVEEEE.