I Need You Here Now (DavexKarkat(eventually davejohnkat)

Kurloz's Reason....

Hey guys its Echo...Anyway here's a new reason from Kurloz... Its a vent a huge one thats hitting harder to home then it should... --Echo

Kurloz Pov-

I want to scream. I want to yell as I sit in the middle of my room. The room blocked and locked. No one would check on you no one thought anything was wrong with you. I take off the stupid skeleton body suit and the purple pants. I hold the lighter in my hand. I set the clothes on fire holding them in my hands against my arms just to stop feeling numb. I put the clothes in the bin and cover them in water. The ace bandages around my chest ache. I take them off and cry silently into my hands. I hated myself. I pull off all the clothes I had on and cry even more. I hear a knock but it's to far away to be this door. I pull and scratch at the fat on my body. I claw at the extra fat on my chest. I started to bleed. My collarbones covered in blood along with my chest. My thighs bleed and my wrists. I'm covered in Indigo blood when I hear another knock. I clean myself off and burned the towel. Anyone who stood outside would just think I'm smoking. I wet the trash so it stops burning. I don't bother with wrapping my chest again. No one knew I was a girl. Not even Muelin. My best friend. I pulled a tight fitting sports bra over me then a over-sized hoodie that showed my scratched and scarred neck and collar bones but no one would notice. They never did. I pulled on baggy sweatpants and I take off all the face paint left with the stiches a crossed my lips. I unblocked the door walking out. Porrim said it was time to eat. I stay emotionless as she stares at my unpainted skin. I look down and walk downstairs I pick at the food moving it around before shoving it into the trash. I walked back upstairs and shut my door. Mituna was my roommate. (He doesn't have brain damage sorry guys....) He doesn't understand sign language. We've never talked much at all. He comes in and sleeps then goes and hangs with Latula. I don't really speak to Muelin they last few days.

Dear Journal,
Today Muelin demanded that Mituna and her change roommates. It changed some people's rooms but I guess it all worked out in the end. She's moving rooms right now. I regret not wearing my face paint cause it showed my light grey skin. I hate it so much.
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Food eaten: 12/14/20
1 apple - 95 calories
1 chocolate chip granola bar - 100 calories
11 ruffles chips - 150 calories
---------- 95+100= 195+150=
--------------245 calories
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I need to eat more because even though I don't want too I can't drop weight faster. I'll just eat a few more calories.
-- Kurlozanna Makara

I closed my journal when Muelin walked in. I closed the drawer forgetting the lock. I lay down and sigh. I end up falling asleep. Muelin covers me with my blanket and Rose walks in. "What's that?" She asks pointing to my exposed skin on my side. They lightly push it up seeing the thousands of scratch marks and scars. "Oh my..." Rose mumbles. They cover me up as I curl up in a ball and fall into a even deeper sleep.
Muelin opened up the journal after finding it.

__________________________________________________________
____|_|____________________________________________________
____|_|____________________________________________________
Dear Diary, ______________________________Aug. 16_________
___________________________________________________________I hate being here already. Alternia wasn't any better. At least I'm away from him. Jordan. I'm finally free. Ish. I'll never forget what he's done and I have to accept that. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Dear Diary, _______________________________Aug. 17________
__The Ace bandages are leaving bruises but I don't want to bother anyone with that fact. I need a binder. I don't want to bother anyone or come to them and tell them I'm trans.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Dear Diary, ______________________________ Aug. 18 ________
__I'm not a mute. I can speak. I stopped after the stuff that happened with Jordan. ___________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________-Kurlozanna_______

In the morning, I locked the drawer and walked downstairs. I started to help Porrim with breakfast. "Hey Kurloz?" I look over at her. "How did you become mute?" I shrug not wanting to answer that. I walked back upstairs to the bathroom. I cut the stiches a crossed my mouth since they were old as shit. I pulled them out and sighed. "God damn" My voice came out tiny and hoarse from lack of speaking for months on end. I collapsed against the wall and sunk down hugging my knees. I had on only a loose girls tank top and shorts. I looked at the scars and frowned. Why I did it ill never know but how I did it ill always remember.

Meulin-

I rushed in hearing a collapsing noise in the bathroom. I got in there to see a Kurloz staring at his arms in utter defeat and spaced out. I sat in front of him and hugged his tiny body.