once, a boy stood in the bathroom, and the boy stood in front of a mirror. he stood there, and observed every imperfection of himself. he hated his eyes, the ones that even while growing up, his mother hated him for. she called him names for his dark ruby eyes, which many people before her said were beautiful.
i guess they were wrong, he thought to himself. he brought his fat hands to what he thought were thick, and horrid wrists. however, they were the opposite. they were thin, beautiful and delicate, just like him. he dug his nail into his skin, and pulled and twisted, until a red mark was left from his pinching.
he scratched up his arm, until he realized there was blood on his fingertips. he walked to the sink, in which every step consisted of his heals clicking against the marble floor. he gently pulled the sink handle, water pouring out of the silver faucet.
his hands were placed firmly above the sink, and they sat under the cold water for so long, it began to feel like razors scratching and cutting at his skin. he was strong though, and he held them there. he held them there until tears spilled down his face, and he spilled down the wall, roughly hitting the floor.
he hid his face in his hands, and silently begged for help, but not a sound of pain or agony leaving his mouth. only a sigh. the sigh was long.
he had forgotten, though, that he wasn't in any bathroom, he was in the school bathrooms. he picked himself back up and cupped water into his hands, the water that was still running from the sink, and splashed it on his face. he leaned to the left to grab him a paper towel, and dried his face with soft strokes.
he walked out of the school bathroom, a long sigh escaping his mouth once more. his chest tightened as if he forgot how to breathe properly. once walking into the classroom, things proceeded like normal. people laughed and smiled around him, however he just sat down in silence, observing the other people.
the kid in glasses looked at the other boy, and smiled, and the sad and broken boy just simply stared. "you're izaya, right?" the black haired boy nodded hesitantly. "i'm shinra, how are you?" izaya looked at him with dark doe eyes, and quietly whispered to Shinra, " 'm okay." shinra frowned at the boys answer, which he knew wasn't true. he avoided it though.
the long silence was once and for all ended from the timer from the teachers phone. "alright, guys. get cleaned up!" izaya hadn't even had anything out in the first place, so he just waited for the bell to ring. the class ended around 12:05, and it was just turning twelve. he pulled out a book and began to block everything around him away, again.
the boy, shinra, poked izaya's small and thin shoulder, immediately gaining the boys attention. the boy with glasses spoke, "we have study hall together, i believe. we should walk together!" izaya bit his lip, and didn't know how to respond. the bell rang, but that didn't end the conversation they had began.
"you're really quiet, y'know," shinra said as they walked down the loud hallways, "why is that?" Izaya shrugged, "maybe i don't have anything to talk about." shinra looked at him, and smiled proudly once he processed that the small boy had said something. "i doubt that," he started, "you look like you have a lot you want to say!" izaya nodded, and his eyes started to tear up just a little, but shinra hadn't noticed.
they turned a corner, the rest of the conversation waiting until study hall. shinra was fairly interested in the boy, and wanted to become an acquaintance of his.
as they walked into the classroom, the bell rang. izaya sat down in his seat, and same with shinra. shinra waved to izaya, to come sit with him. izaya shook his head, doubtful of how the situation would go. he pulled out his book and began to read again.
after a few moments, he heard shuffling beside him, and glanced up with wide eyes, far to familiar with recent activities. it was only shinra and a blonde haired male setting their belonging on the seat, and then sitting down.
"so, this is shizuo!" shinra said, pointing at the blonde hair male, who smiled and waved.
"what's your name?" shizuo asked, and izaya bit his lip nervously, mumbling,
" 's izaya.." shizuo tilted his head, as he hadn't heard what the boy had said.
"hm?"
"i-it's izaya." he said a bit louder. shizuo and shinra smiled kindly, before shizuo asked, "is that russian?" izaya nodded hesitantly, many people before said that his name was stupid, and maybe he was scared that they thought the same.
"that's so cool!" shinra beamed.
"are you russian? more or less, do you speak russian?" shizuo asked calmly. izaya nodded proudly.
"ee? you have perfect japanese, though!" shinra explained, "guess we would have never known if shizuo here hadn't said anything!"
the bell rang after the short conversation, signalling lunch. izaya gulped, scared that they'd figure out.
izaya looked up, "i-i forgot my lunch today.." "that's okay! we'll share! right shizuo?" shizuo nodded. "-no, no! i'ts fine! i'll eat when i get home.." shizuo looked at izaya with a worried expression, while shinra hadn't said anything.
"hey izaya," izaya looked up, heart beating faster, "can we talk?" izaya nodded hesitantly, his heart running miles per minute. he was terrified.
edit:
so!! this book is actually going to be based off of things i have experienced personally. however, the things in this book, i have gotten over, so don't worry!! however i still suffer from social anxiety and panic disorder, and sometimes i skip meals but i've been doing a lot better! i used to be overweight, and i wasn't happy with my body at all. i ended up starving myself because 👑 beauty 👑anyway, i ended up losing almost 40 lbs in a couple months and went down to 80 smth lbs. then i got a magnificent girlfriend and got over it. i gained 30 lbs and then lost 10, so now i'm only underweight by 2 lbs!! anyway, i hope you all are well and if you ever need to talk i'm here <3
word count: 1080
YOU ARE READING
please eat ; shizaya
Fanfiction"it seems your gaining weight, you should eat less, pig!" and so he does.
