Amor Fati

Chapter 2: The Wrong Deserve no Pity

Later that night Hermione found herself tossing and turning, unable to stop thinking about that journal, about his journal.

Her mind circling around why it was there, how it was there, what does it mean? Who could have left it there?

Her eyes widen slightly at her own stupidity, who else could have left it there other than him?

Who else would have left it there? No one else knew about his favorite book, only her. It was their own little secret within their secret.

Jumping out of her bed, showing more emotion than she has for weeks, she scrambled out the doors and ran towards the library. Feeling as if she couldn't breath until the journal was in Her clutches, making no effort to even slow down when approaching the shifting staircases.

Finally, within mere seconds, she arrived at the large wooden doors of the library, seeming more intimidating than they ever had before. Her nimble fingers shaking as they snaked around the handles, briefly hesitating before she decided to do what she's always done best, find answers.

Taking her first step past the doors, she found the space frighteningly dark, pulling out her wand to quickly solve the issue.

"Lumos," she almost stuttered, a bright blue light gradually growing brighter from the tip of Her wand. Guiding herself to their spot, quickly grabbing the journal from the mistaken area it had been placed.

"Please," she unknowingly begged aloud, "show me answers."

Her eyes scanned the journal in her hands, looking at the small cuts and fingering the minimal wear and tear edges. She was still unsure, even after five minutes of staring at the thick leather journal, if she would actually want to see his handwriting again, to see the words he would put, to see his day to day view on things.

When she found out that he left her, she was upset and an absolute mess, constantly crying and refusing to leave her room. But now, now she was simply depressed and angry, wanting to understand why he couldn't just tell her that he was planning to leave, why he couldn't work out what was going on with her, why he couldn't figure out that she would have followed him to the ends of the earth if it meant the two of them could be happy together.

Would this journal confirm the very answer she was terrified to receive, would it tell her that everything was a lie? That she didn't truly matter to him? That it was all just a game, that he was bored and decided to have some fun? Would it mock her for being so stupid? For uttering those three words to him that meant the world for her but was simply a joke for him?

Tears were flooding down her cheeks as her mind debated what the pages would contain. She wanted to believe that it was filled with nothing but happy memories of them, that she was his world just as he was hers. But something in the back of her mind knew that couldn't be possible, that Draco Malfoy doesn't simply 'love' anyone but himself.

But how would she ever know if that was true?

Is it true?

Is it true that the truth will set you free?

What if she didn't want to know the truth? What if the truth would only haunt her more than knowing nothing at all?

Minutes passed as if they were seconds as she continued to debate opening the journal again, finding out what its contents contained.

But finally, she decided that she would rather know the truth and move on with her life rather than be living a lie. If he truly felt nothing for her, if that was part of the reason why he left her so easily, then she deserved to know. And, who knows, maybe that's why he left it there.