Trusting you - Alex Standall

Prologue

It was a bright and sunny afternoon the day I jogged up my porch steps to find what appeared to be a long, brown, badly wrapped package sitting before my front door. Little did I know that that very package would change my life. After picking it up and inspecting it, I noticed my name scribbled messily on the label with no address. I remember wondering who would go to the effort of actually dropping this seemingly innocent package at my front door. Curiosity got the best of me and I tore it open as I opened the door and made a B-line for my room.
Once safely in my room I removed the box from its packaging. It was a dark blue and resembled what could only be described as a shoe box. My eyebrows furrowed together in confusion as I removed the lid and saw 7 tapes all numbered within it. If only I had known, I would never have reached into my desk drawer and retrieved the Walkman from my younger days. Unable to contain my curiosity any longer I slotted the first tape into the player and placed the headphones over my head and waited.

'Hey, it's Hannah, Hannah Baker'

My hand flew to my mouth in shock as I heard the voice of a dead girl rattle in my skull. Hannah Baker had committed suicide only days ago, and my heart ached hearing the pain evident in this girl's voice as I remembered how we had not been close, yet she and I had always understood each other, and been able to enjoy ourselves in one another's company.

'I'm about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically why my life ended. And if you're listening to this tape, you were one of the reasons why.'

I felt my heart drop into the pit of my stomach as mouth mouth began to dry up. I was frozen still. All I was able to think was 'what could I have possibly done to cause this girl to want to end her own life?'. Maybe I knew exactly what I'd done. Maybe not. But either way, I was soon going to find out.

So that night I was unable to sleep, my mind spinning with possibilities of what I'd done and what others may have done. So instead I propped myself up against my bed head and placed the headphones over my ears once again. That night I listened to all 14 of the tapes, my name didn't crop up at all, yet my tape didn't have to be named for me to know it was mine. It was the very last one, and I was somewhat thankful that Hannah had chosen to keep my tape anonymous. This new found guilt would ruin my life, so I was thankful that my best kept secret would not be out in the open also.

'This last tape is going to be a little different. I won't name this girl as I feel her secret is not mine to tell. But this girl knows who she is. Of course she does, she's the only one listening who hasn't been mentioned yet. She is the first of you to listen to the tapes, despite being number 14, and there's a reason for that. You see I didn't want this girl to go about life hearing chatter about this terrible thing that happened wondering if maybe, just possibly it could be her terrible thing. I know what it's like, to hear whispers and wonder what people know about you, if they're talking about you. You see this girl and I are really not that different, so now I speak directly to her.
Listen, I know why you did what you did. I know why you didn't act the way I wanted you to. But I just want to ask you, girl to girl, do you think things would be different now if when I came to you for help you'd have thought of anyone other than yourself?...'