My heart is breaking for Mercedes- I feel guilty for being so happy when I know she isnt.. Sa kabila ng mga ngiti, sa kabila ng mga yakap.. alam ko na malungkot siya. Why? Because she's my bestfriend.. I know her from head to foot, I know her inside and out.
Thats why I cant be truly happy even if I married the most beautiful guy in the world.. there is a hole in my heart. Pakiramdam ko ay inagaw ko ang dapat ay sa kanya.
**
I tried, God knows I tried to be happy for them. But the faux merrymaking took its toll pretty early.
I had to leave as fast as I can. Hindi na ako nagpaalam kahit kanino. I just grabbed my bag and walked out the reception hall- leaving the bouquet Batse personally gave me as she wish that I find the one for me-- Hindi ko napansin na humahagulgol na pala ako.. I was just letting it all go.. for the first time since I learned that Ares finally gave my bestfriend what he couldnt give me.. commitment.
Im asking myself why- Dont I deserve that?- and then I'll come to the conclusion that I hadnt try hard enough. For nine years, I didnt try to know him thinking that all will fall into place eventually.
But it didnt.. at ang sakit sakit sa dibdib ngayon. Gusto ko ng mamatay dahil sa sakit.
I feel like a zombie walking around a sunny world. Even breathing is painful.. and smiling, I dont want to think about it anymore--
Nang buklatin ko ang dyaryo ay ang nakangiting mukha ni Apollo Cai-Consunji at ng asawa nitong si Lukas Consunji ang naroon. A one of a kind love story- Ares is a product of that love story yet he is so different-- ilang beses ko inisip kung bakit nga ba ganoon, and I only came to one conclusion. Its because I am not the one for him all this time.
Im just a bed warmer, a pasttime, a hobby buddy. I feel so used, and then I feel disappointed with myself. How and why? Im such a messed up person.. and I will laugh at myself, then Ill cry.
"Sigurado kang ayos ka lang?" Oli asked me again for the 15th time that day and its starting to irritate me. Ive told him the same answer yet he still look at me as if Im about to break down any minute.
Instead I tried to give him a smile.. na nakapagpailing dito.
I know he means well. But I just want to be alone..
Umalis na ako sa bahay ni Batse at kumuha ng sariling pad.. I feel like an intruder when I went back to my old house after everything. When I think about the times Ares and I had been together there.. hindi din pwedeng pigilan na maisip ko si Ares at Batse.
I discarded everything that reminds me of Ares. May narinig akong tahol at nakita ko si Oli na bitbit ang pomeranian buddy kong si Chi Chi.. she was wagging her tail as she licks Oli's face.. Hindi ko pala itinapon lahat.. I cant let them have Chi-Chi.
Kinuha ko ang aso kay Oli at hinagod ang likod nito,
He is looking at me that way again and I rolled my eyes into his direction. "Dont you have anywhere to be?"
"I have to take Sydney to her Math tutor."
"Go." Itinulak ko ito gamit ang isang kamay. "Dont keep your daughter waiting because of me."
He grabbed my hand and pulled me into a tight embrace- I know I shouldnt feel weak- pero tao lang ako- Im tired of pitying myself.
Akala ko ok na. I thought Oli could take his place-- I was so wrong, so so wrong.
I felt Oli sigh heavily as he felt the wetness on his shoulders. Why cant I just love this guy? He is everything every girls wants for a man. He is sincere, sweet, committed and reliable. He doesnt just want my body, he also wants my heart- he have plans I could never make with Ares.
"Im sorry.." I murmured on his shirt. "Another bad day."
"Ikaw ang nagpapahirap sa sarili mo Cedes."
Lumayo na ako dito at pinahid ang mga luha ko. "Siguro nga.." I gave a stiff smile. "Puntahan mo na si Sydney."
Pinulot ko sa divan ang susi nito ng kotse at iniabot dito. "Are you going to be ok?" He asked worriedly.
"Im fine Oligario, No reason not to be..."
PS: Ayun, habang nakaupo ako sa bus papasok sa trabaho ay naisip kong itype nalang ang nasa puso ko-- feel na feel ko kasi ang pain ni Mercedes dahil sa recent update ng Love Somebody- wala na talagang pagasa ang #AresCedes ko.
PS2: Fanfiction to. Wala akong balak angkinin ang story.
