Fuck," Adam muttered. He slammed the silver dome down over the oysters with enough force to make me jump in my chair. "Fuck!" The volume of his voice echoed off the glass and rattled the crystal glasses of champagne. He stood up and began pacing frenetically. "Who told you?"
I didn't answer. I couldn't. The look on his face was dark and it scared me a little.
"Lilly, who fucking told you?" he said in a low tone that frightened me more than any yelling would have. He stopped moving and stared down at me.
I don't know what I had been expecting, but it wasn't this. "N-no one told me," I choked out, averting my eyes. His face was stonily composed, but without his smile he seemed intimidating. "At work today I was assigned this story about parolees. And there was this list with your name on it..." I trailed off, letting the unsaid settle heavily between us.
"Jesus," Adam swore, and from the corner of my eye I could see him run his hands over the short stubble of his hair. "Lilly you have to believe that this wasn't how I wanted you to find out."
My hands were clasped in my lap and I looked down at them. They weren't shaking any longer, but lay perfectly still and a little coldly against the fabric of my borrowed dress. I flexed them just so I could feel them move, so I could feel something, anything other than the hard ache of hurt in my chest.
Adam crossed to kneel at my feet. "You weren't supposed to find out like this, Lil." He tried to take my hands, but instinctively I pulled them back, still a little afraid of the darkness I'd seen flicker in his eyes. My reaction froze him and he chuckled with a cold laugh that made me shiver.
"What do you want me to tell you, Lilly? What are you expecting to hear? That I didn't do it? That it was all a big mistake? That they got the wrong guy? Is that what you want me to say?" Sarcasm dripped from every word and it was so incongruous with the Adam I thought I knew that I gasped. I could feel tears well up behind my lashes, but wouldn't give them the satisfaction of falling.
"Did you do it?" I whispered. My voice was husky and low and I almost didn't recognize it.
"Yes." Adam's face was expressionless. My stomach dropped.
There didn't seem to be anything to say, so I remained silent.
"It's over and done with Lilly. I can't go back and change it, hell, if I could I'm not even sure that I would. I'm not going to apologize to you. We've only known each other three days, three days. I was going to tell you when I felt you were ready to hear it, when I was ready to tell you."
He reached up and brushed my cheek softly, for a split second he was the Adam I thought I'd known. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat to no success.
"Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde," I muttered, more to myself than him. The thought had sprung fully formed to my brain and hadn't stopped at my lips.
"Excuse me?" Adam said sharply. I couldn't look at him.
I didn't repeat it, couldn't repeat it. I hadn't even meant to say it. He snorted with derision and I could feel everything slip away.
"Is that how you see me, Lilly?" Adam stood swiftly and resumed his frenetic pacing between the food carts, everything on them now growing cold. "Bloody hell, I knew it would get this reaction, I fucking knew it! That's why I don't tell people right away. Even you must be able to see the logic in that. I wanted you to get to know me, and I wanted to get to know you, so I could tell you properly, in a way you'd understand. Not like this, Sweetheart."
I looked up at him then, at the faint note of hurt and betrayal in his voice, and for a moment it felt like I was the one who'd done something wrong. Despite the coolness of the room I could feel myself flush.
"Truth," Adam snorted. "I know it's what you want; I can see it on your face. You already know everything there is to know Lilly. Nine years for assault. I served three. I've been on parole for four... I have six more months and they tell me I'm done with the whole thing; a free man. But I'm sure your clever sleuthing found all that out already."
Numbly I stared at him. I hadn't learnt that much, but not for lack of trying. "A-aren't you going to tell me what happened?" I said, barely above a whisper.
Adam stopped moving to stare down at me. "Not to satisfy your curiosity. If you really want to know because you genuinely care about me, then I'll tell you, but not to satisfy your damned journalistic curiosity."
I could feel myself nodding, but I didn't know for certain what I was agreeing with. I needed fresh air, space. I needed to cry, but I wasn't about to do it then and there. He didn't move when I stood, even when I tottered a little on Rhiannon's ridiculously high-heeled shoes.
"I have to go," I murmured. It was all I said, all that I could say, and Adam let me leave without a word.
To be continued...
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