Volcano Dad

Chapter 1: Dad?

Hello. This is Emily, the author. I know what these big corporate authors do. They read the little guys' stories and steal their content. I swear to God if anyone recreated a story about a dead dad who might not be dead after a volcano accident i'll sue for every penny, and then give the money to the people who actually created this concept. Without further ado, this is a story I wrote based on an improv conversation by Drew and Amanda Gooden during their The Little Stinkers Radio podcast episode 2. 

I have twitter!: @volcanodad

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Today is the ten year anniversary since the awful accident that took my beloved dad from the Gooden family. I remember it like it was yesterday.

The airplane. The collision. My screams and the taste of blood. Dad! And all of it broadcast on live television. 

Let me explain! Father Bernard was one of those kids: a prodigy! He was finished University in the study of rocks (NOT stones) at the age of four. He was a professor in rocks before he was even done suckling on mother's breast for milk. Us Gooden boys are smart. By the age of 16, him and his high school sweetheart Z-oh-E had married and had me: Drew! When he was 20, NASA was like

"Hey father Bernard. You're the best rock professor around and we have a special mission for you. We want you to fly to the moon to see what kind of rock that is. Are you up for the task?"

And of course my father accepted, making some witty joke about clastic rock. I know because he told me! 

FLASHBACK!

"Dad no! I know NASA is cool and stuff but I love you and I need you to teach me about life. In only a month i'll have to do the Good(en) Boy ceremony where I choose to be a hunter, gatherer, fisher or any of the other careers." 

"Son. I love you. You will be all right without me. Your mother, as you know, is super masculine. She'll teach about sports, cars and liking the colour blue. Age 14 will treat you well. And when you're 15 i'll be back."

"Oh dad. I wanna have rocks as a career just like you! I wanna eat'em!"

"Oh son. Never forget. Lignite."

"That's sort of a weird thing to say"

"Lignite son. Goodbye."

END OF FLASHBACK!

So father was off to Nasa and since he was a super smart genius he knew how to fly the plane all by himself except he overshot the killswitch gergatron to the left and ended up in a big volcano in Canada. I haven't even eaten a bite of igneous since he died. 

After ten years, it's still hard for me to think about but Amanda has been such a rock solid relationship in my life. I love to braid he hair, she loves to say the alphabet except backwards and out of order. 

We're sitting on the floor, hot because it's Florida and we both are holding stick swords to fight against alligators just in case when... 

Ring goes the telephone.

 Who could it be? 

"Dad?" I say

"Hello son." he replies

"But you are supposed to be dead." I say

"Lignite." He says

"Are you dead? Because i saw you get flown into the volcano."

"Oh yeah" he says

"It was a long time ago." I say

"Yeah" he says 

"Are you a ghost?" I ask

And then the line goes flat! I run back into the bedroom, and Amanda is playing Neopets!

"Amanda" I exclaim, "Turn off neopets! My father is alive!" 

"Yeah? I know. Do you wanna go visit him in Kentucky?" Amanda responds.

"NO Amanda, not that dad! God you're as dense as aggregate." I exclaim again. I've almost used all of my weekly exclaims.

"Sorry Drew, but still your other dad is live and well in Alabama. I thought we didn't want to see him because of his love of "stupid f*#$*ng stones" as you say" Amanda responds

"NO Amanda, not that dad! The volcano dad!" I exclaim. There goes the last of the week. And it's only Monday. 

"Volcano dad... but... he's dead!" 

Amanda looks at camera, Duh duh duh, end of chapter one!

To be continued!

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Musical Inspiration for this chapter: Volcano Man by Elton John

"I'm not the man they think I am at home / oh no no no i'm a volcano man"