Whole New Complexity (A Sequel to Crazy As Normal)(Izzal)

Chapter 13

Axl's world is completely overturned. Dose newborn love color itself in pink and brilliant sparkles? No, in black and white with a bit of vivid red on top is the proper explanation. Izzy kisses him. Axl lets Izzy touch him and makes him come. Oh, these are heavenly moments no one could deny, but then, Axl comes himself and recalls "This is unrequited love," beside him sleeping, curing up to him feeling his peaceful heartbeats. What he's looking at is gray except those moments, because he sees that what lies between them is platonic even though they have a broad sexual connection.

"Today yes, he sleeps with me, but tomorrow who knows?" Axl purses his lips.

The red part is laughably childish. He feels butterflies in his stomach then his face bursts into flames whenever Izzy smiles at him like this is his first love.

"What's up with you?" Izzy asks in a soft tone.

Axl's body always feels strained like "Oh no, does he see the cartoon hearts in my eyes?" so he fails in diverting the subject and babbles inanely. The reciprocating is getting wired more and more. Izzy comes to give him a quizzical look and automatically it leads Axl's heart to hammer in his throat. How long could Axl deal with this tough unrequited love? He seriously needs the high school shit of "Are you still seeing Annika? Are you in love with her?"

That's a big pressure on the chest. His friend always stays within the sweep of the eye. He, of course, goes out alone. Axl's heart keeps its calmness, though he doesn't grasp what Izzy's doing during his absence, because mostly he brings rivets and conchos with him when he comes back to him and starts making accessories to sell, which is his temporary expedient to earn money lately. When he's done, he slips into Axl's bed late at night or in the early morning, which depends on how you see it. Axl doesn't sense any indication of Annika from him.

He asks Izzy indirectly. "I don't see you fucking girls these days." He doesn't use the word 'groupies' on purpose. He innerly includes Annika in 'girls', too.

"You're good at this shit. Man, you don't get laid either."

"That's because your blowjobs are fucking great," casually he replies instead of "Because I'm so in love with you."

Izzy's saying would be a pure fact. He sees respect for Axl in his hazel eyes so he never doubts his dark, tall and handsome friend's faith like "How sad, he's using my body." The brand new friendship has been sailing on an unruffled sea and Izzy doesn't seems to question its significance while the way he wraps his arm around Axl's waist in everyday life is increasingly alike that of a boyfriend.

Axl loves it, but it's nothing but hell.

Everytime he melts in his tender warmth, he's terrified at the shadow of Annika. He could beg "Don't see her," yet can't face the answer of "Do you love her?" Even if the answer was no, he would be frightened anyway. The possibility of another new girlfriend, or a boyfriend since he's bi as well as Axl is, might intimidate him. The continuous fear never ends.

This long term friendship is burdensome. He can't simply go for broke. Their history is so long and so deep that Izzy is the part of Axl like his skin. He's got no choice but to avoid the risk. Come to think of it, like Duff pointed out, Axl has probably loved him for so long, such that he can't remember when the love started. He believed he loved Erin, which wasn't an imagination in fact, yet that Izzy never left him was the major premise.

What Slash said was right in a sense. He got the experience in this, which is also true for Axl. However, that doesn't prove the case of all people. A high possibility of Izzy's exception still remains and Axl goes in alignment with it.

He's been thinking a lot. He could build any and all logics. But simply, he's been in a one-sided love with his best friend, and that is all.

Two weeks has past since the interference of Duff and Slash. These fourteen days made Axl decent. At least, his face doesn't turn red any more just because the closest friend smiles at him.