Toe to Toe

Ch. 5

Tia held out a bag to her sister and put the other over her shoulder. Just like always, it was Winnie walking her down to the waiting service car that would drive her to the station. The first week her dad made the long drive making sure to tell her there was always time to change her mind. The second he driver her to the train station himself repeating that she was making a mistake. By a month in- silence and distance had replaced the lectures. Maybe her dad wasn't always looking out for her dreams but Winnie had always believed in her. Sometimes she wondered which of them was the older sister.

Things in the outside world never came easy to her, but Winnie was born to be around people and not in a performing way. She had sold tickets to their first variety show in the backyard when they were both too young to know how to cross the street.

Winnie wowed with her charm and sarcasm, never making anyone feel inferior and her father was Winnie's biggest fan. Tia had overheard him and her aunt talking one day and never forgot his words.

"Winnie's gonna be something some day, she's not afraid to roll up her sleeves and get in the muck. It's Tia I worry about. Dancing like it's a job, head in the clouds. She's just like her mother."

Her aunt had come to her defense and reminded him of her mother's passion and love for dancing, but Tia had heard enough.  After hearing her fathers disappointment and scorn she danced longer and harder. Twice as many classes and stretching hours a day. When she was finally sure she was ready, she applied to go to Wingate. Five full days of dance and school, living on campus and out of the house.

She tried to back away from Winnie then, angry at her for being the favorite, but it wasn't possible.  Winnie was just too good at reading between the lines.  The further Tia pushed, the closer Winnie got.

It wasn't her fault after all, Win was only six when their mom got sick. Too young to understand all the hushed conversations and reasons mom no longer sang on the patio with coffee or made pancakes shaped like Mickey. What she did understand was that Tia was big enough to tuck her in and smart enough to reminder her to brush her teeth.

In the beginning Tia was angry. Winnie was the new one, the cute one, the star who lit up every room. But as their mom got sicker Tia saw Winnie growing quiet and it scared her more than visiting mom in the back room full of things sick people needed. As much as her little sister driver her crazy, she also saved her from being talked to, scrutinized by her father and from the sheer and utter loneliness of just being herself.

Tia took action. Plays performed in tents in the bedroom, tricks on the nanny, tickle fights and girl talk. Whatever it took to make that laughter fill up the room, Tia made it happen. She became Winnie's world and somehow, the girl had managed to turn out pretty fantastic. Weird, a master of blackmail, and always on the wrong side of fashion, but the very kind of person Tia admired. Her sister was good from the tips of her raven black hair to the bulky black Doc Martin's she clomped down the streets in.

Winnie stepped back from the hug stiff and scowling. She never was one to love outward displays of attention. Tia didn't love them either, but hugging Winnie was her own form of torturing her sister, and something she'd never give up. From behind her half hidden face her sister growled.

"Five days. And if you ditch me I'll hunt you down like wild game and gut you before hanging you in dad's study."

Tia laughed so hard she snorted and slapped Winnie on the head.

"As if. Don't be such a tough guy. You're a girl. Remember that. Comb your hair and put on something pink for once in your life. I'll be here. And Win, thank you. You saved me, again."

Winnie just shrugged her cheeks deepening in pink and turned to walk back in the house. Tia wished she just just pack her sister in her bags and take her with her, but that would be grounds for termination and there was no way she was putting her life's work in jeopardy. 

Every time she was slated to leave she found herself wishing she'd have tried just a little harder to get Win to dance so they could be together but Winnie had other plans. Maybe world domination, but whatever she'd be when she figured it out --her dad was right, she'd excel at it.

Sitting on the train Tia watched the couple across the aisle whisper secrets and giggle as they shared phone screen views. She thought about her cell phone in the bottom of her bag. She wasn't about to dig it out now and risk getting her clothes wrinkled. Besides, there were only so many levels of candy crush or scrolling internet memes that she could stomach.

The couple continued sharing views and giggling until the cityscape changed to fields and the steady rhythm of the train became hypnotic. The girl quieted first and lay her head on her presumable boyfriends shoulder and he draped his arm around her. To Tia it looked warm and comfortable.

Her instincts kicked in as she stopped watching and closed her eyes. Boyfriends were time consuming. Relationships were time and energy pits that she couldn't be bothered with. Later, maybe. When she was in New York.

There she would be reinvented. No longer the diva dancer fighting for the front and alone outside the shine of the spotlight. She'd be just like the rest of the girls there- focused and consumed. After all, those were the girls that made it. The ones who fought every minute and gave up everything else.