Ereri/Riren ➳ A Book Of One-Shots

Stay (Part 1)

Summary: After the failed mission to capture the female titan, and the deaths of the Levi squad, Eren can't help but blame himself for their loss. However, a sombre walk in the heavy rain leads him to come across a sight he never imagined he'd ever see.

Setting: Canonverse

Word Count: 2620 (Part 1), 1070 (Part 2)

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It's my fault.

I made the decision to let them handle it.

They're dead because I chose to trust them instead of myself.

I chose to run instead of stay and fight.

The rain reflected my thoughts — cold, dark, and heavy. I hadn't bothered to bring an umbrella. What was the point? It didn't really matter. I'd still end up drenched and full of regret.

Only my scout cloak and uniform acted as a thin barrier between the rain and my skin. Even still, the water had already begun to soak through the fabrics, chilling my usual unnaturally warm body to the bone.

Or maybe that was just me. I wasn't sure.

It felt like all the life and energy had been sucked out of me since we got back. I couldn't bring myself to do anything but be angry. Angry at myself, angry at the world, angry at whoever the hell was inside that stupid female titan.

The world truly was a cruel place.

I turned a corner on the narrow path I was on. I'd been walking a little ways away from the castle for a while. I wasn't really supposed to go out on my own like this, I know, but being confined to that tiny cellar wouldn't help my situation at all. I'd probably pace a hole into the floor, or break everything I could get my hands on in there.

Besides...

I can't bear to be in there right now.

Inside the castle, inside that dining hall where we'd all sat together for over a month before this. Shared laughs, the light bickering — mostly by Petra and Oluo. It was all gone. The place felt so empty now.

And it was all my fault.

Even Captain Levi had given me the choice — the freedom to choose whichever path I felt was right. And I chose wrong.

Captain...

I wondered how he was doing. I hadn't really seen him since we got back. He'd, no doubt, be deeply affected by the loss of his squad. He wasn't so cold as to not care for their deaths, even if he wouldn't show it.

One thing I'd come to learn about him in the time we'd spent together, was that he was actually incredibly compassionate. He treated us all with respect and valued each of us as individuals. His subordinates, his comrades, his family. He was just too strong to show any negative emotions besides anger. If he was sad, he'd keep it to himself. If he was hurt, he'd power through it alone.

The thought made me sad. I didn't want him to go through this alone. I didn't want him to be hurting all by himself.

I wanted to be there for him — with him — even if it was only as a silent presence to make sure he knew he wasn't alone.

Nearing the edge of the trees, I looked up to see a small cliff overlooking the forests and fields below. The moonlight casted a dull glow over the treetops in place of its usual luminosity. It almost seemed that even the moon itself was tired and worn out, clouded over by rain and fog.