BTS' EIGHTH MEMBER

SIXTY-NINE • Hormone Pills

I realized I've been half assing this writing. I'm definitely going to try harder, thanks to a Reader's comment. I'll mention their username later when I find it :) but this chapter isn't up to standard yet. I'm getting there. 

Jung Hoseok had depression. It was pretty clear everyone did, but there were more serious cases among certain people. Certain people such as Min Yoongi, and Jung Hoseok.

Yoongi was the selfish type. He hated bothering people, but he really, really hated being caged. One of the things that was the hardest for anyone to make him do was get him to take his antidepressants. Hoseok would swallow seventy-five in a day if he had to, to stop bothering people. Yoongi hated taking one, even when he was prescribed three a day.

"Pills pretty much just kill your brain cells, so what's the point?" Yoongi said. "You might as well not take them and kill yourself whenever you want. I don't need small things of nothing to make my brain not be itself."

Those were the types of thing Yoongi would say when he was deprived of the pills, and needed to take them. He wasn't happy with those things needing to be swallowed by him. The idea of needing pills to keep you healthy was awful.

"Oppa, they're prescribed, you need them," you said. This was the only time Yoongi was the baby you had to take care of. There were also those moments when it'd be late at night, early in the morning, or even midday, when he'd be cowering in his office, tears staining his soft, sweet cheeks, and his small whimpers never being loud enough for anyone to hear even from the doorway. He hated people seeing him like that just as much as he hated his stupid antidepressants, it ddnt matter how many times you've seen him like that.

When you'd see him like that, you would lock the door, and go sit by him on the floor. He cowered away from anyone, or he would stay where he was, but if it was you, he'd eventually have his head on your lap, sleeping gently and quietly. You didn't give a shit if your legs were numb to the point of amputation – Yoongi was comfortable, and that's all you cared about.

"I don't need anything. Humans before medication lived. And this isn't even an illness illness."

"Yes, it is," you said, glaring at him, but running your hands through his hair lovingly at the same time. "You can't afford to feel that way, Oppa, you're too busy. You don't have time to deal with it, so go take some. Please. For Baby Chibi?"

Yoongi groaned, rolling over to where he threw his pill bottle on the floor. "I'm taking one." You smiled at him encouragingly, passing him the water bottle you brought him. He winced when he swallowed, as if the water was boiling hot, and the pill stabbed the bottom of his throat.

You clapped and applauded, and even though Yoongi rolled his eyes, his cheeks turned red with pride and delight.

"I took the damn thing, and I don't feel any better," he said, going back to his chair and plopping down heavily and sulkily, as if you'd bribed him and now weren't giving his side of the deal.

But you took it, Oppa, it'll be a few hours, maybe, before it can work its magic," you told him, smiling. You were genuinely proud of Yoongi.

Sometimes too, just sometimes, you had to take care of the others. Every day, you were the toddler bringing little teacups to your oppas and they'd drink the liquid colored by watercolor pens just to humor you. But some days, it would be serious and you were a mom.

The boy who needed the most care was probably Jimin. He was always working hard, even when he wasn't busy. He would fall asleep I very unsuitable places most of the time, and you hated that. He'd sometimes fall asleep spread-out on the hard wood practice floor marred with his own shoe-marks, right after facetiming his family he never neglected. You hated seeing him like that.

"Jimin-oppa," you'd say those nights, shaking him awake gently. He'd stir, and move onto his side. "Oppa, it's late. You need to go to bed properly. You'll get back pains if you sleep this way."

Jimin always wanted you to be with him. He felt guilty, because he still wanted to be in a life with you when you were with someone else. It hurt him because he was being so selfishly thoughtless, not thinking how Jungkook would feel knowing he was thinking of kissing you.

He also couldn't help thinking how unfair it was that he had loved you for so long, and always treated you well, but you still went for the person who disrespected you and made you cry even before he said he liked you. And Jimin encouraged you to be with Jungkook, because he wanted you two to be happy, and he cared about Jungkook more than most things, and he treasured you, too. But maybe, partially, his soul just wanted Jungkook to hurt you enough for you to fall back to Jimin.

"Leave me alone," Jimin mumbled, turning away from you. It was one of those days he'd feel especially hurt by how his life turned out. If it wasn't one of those days, he'd have turned to you and smiled his cute, sweet sleepy smile, and let you struggle to pull him up and go home together.

"Oppa, it's cold and hard here. Come on, I'll go with you back to the dorm.

"Just leave me alone," Jimin spat, huddling into himself. He knew if he was in this much pain when it came to you, it probably meant you weren't the girl he should be with. He knew it was obvious. He didn't fit with you. This was normal.

Maybe he didn't actually have feelings for you. He probably just felt his pride swollen and pained. Either way, you never let him sleep on the floor.

No matter how sulky he got, you'd always stay by his side and go back to the dorm with him. Maybe that's why Jimin couldn't let go.