"it's your choice, you don't have to do it if you don't want to.", taeyeon looked at her best friend sitting across from her in the living room.
"i know tiffany, but i don't think it's fair. i mean i've basically left him in the dark about this for almost a year.", taeyeon grabbed one of the throw cushions nearest to her and placed it on her lap, playing with the fringe of it to distract herself.
it had been a month after her isolating herself yet again and though things have returned to normal there had been a single thought bothering her nonstop.
"you never talked about this before so why are you bringing it up now?"
"i don't know.", she looked down and seized all her movements, staring into the small pillow in hopes of it revealing the answer.
the topic of her state of mind was never something she thought about telling donghae, in fact she wanted to keep it hidden from him, even a month ago she decided that she would pretend as though nothing happened.
stupid leeteuk.
after everything washed over he had told her about the messages they exchanged, and though she found donghae's concern for her endearing, she couldn't help but feel a tad bit angry and disappointed in herself. and at leeteuk. which is what brought this conversation with tiffany to happen.
"you're only going to make yourself feel worse and more anxious if you keep overthinking.", the girl got up and walked to the kitchen where she proceeded to go through the pantries.
she was right, but sometimes she couldn't help overthinking or making up possible scenarios that she knew would never happen.
tiffany placed a bag of small hershey's on her coffee table, already opened and reached out to grab two of the fun size chocolate bars, giving one of them to taeyeon.
"are you scared?"
"yeah, i am."
"and you have every right to be, but you know he doesn't have bad intentions and you basically trust him with your life. he's not going to do whatever you think he's going to do."
taeyeon continued messing around with the pillow she had, letting her best friend's words sink in.
"god i'm making this seem like i'm professing my undying love.", taeyeon said and reached out towards the bag that was in front of her.
"that's a story for another day.", tiffany muttered under her breath and checked her phone when she got a notification. she typed back a quick reply before turning her attention back to the girl next to her.
"maybe drunk me should say everything sober me won't."
"and then you're going to hate yourself for even going out and drinking."
"that's true.", they both laughed continued eating the bag of chocolate that was on the coffee table.
there was no silence between the two, they kept talking about whatever was on their minds or what happened days prior, changing the subject everytime one of them recalled something funny or interesting.
a few hours passed before tiffany had to leave, the two said their goodbyes at the door after they shared a hug.
then taeyeon was alone again, left with the thoughts she had pushed to the back of her brain and she felt restless and anxious once again.
she had paced around her apartment, tried finishing up a commission and turned on the tv in hopes that something would catch her attention and she'd be able to watch it in peace. sadly, nothing she did could occupy her mind and everything she did felt wrong like she wasn't supposed to do it.
she ignored all social media notifications and avoided every text she got, she didn't feel like talking to anyone and if she did then she'd just give dry responses.
but there was something she couldn't quite identify pulling her to it. was it a sense of longing? she couldn't describe it other than a need to do a specific thing.
despite her "better" judgement she reached out to grab her phone and tapped a few things before letting her finger hover over the screen.
it had been so easy to find his contact, so why was she hesitating on pressing the call button.
you're blowing this out of proportion taeyeon.
she brought it up to her ear, there were two rings before the other party picked up and she felt relieved, but she also felt her stomach drop and she wanted to end the call already.
"hello?"
"hey, are you busy right now?"
"nope i'm just watching hyukjae and yesung yell at each other. why?"
"can you come over, i need to talk to you."
"i'm guessing it's really important."
"you could say that."
"i'll be right over– hyukjae shut the hell up already!"
taeyeon ended the call and felt a small sense of pride within, but her nervousness overshadowed everything else and she found herself panicking.
she distracted herself once again for a few minutes before she heard knocking. she checked the small security system to check who was at the door and sure enough donghae was standing outside her door with a plastic bag in his hands.
well i guess it's now or never.
