Split Sides

Codependency

There is something in the way you speak

And the way you write

And the way you feel

That pulls all the reservations

And the shyness

And the apathy from within me.

There is something in my words

And my thoughts

And my emotions

That pull you to me.

Is it love that brings us closer?

Or is it something greater than that?

I read your words

And you say your thoughts

And they give me something

That could probably be illegal.

Like a recharged battery to a cyborg

Or a dose to an ill person,

I think of them over and over

And I sleep and dream of them

Over and over.

You read my words

And I say my thoughts

And something clicks in you

Like rotors falling into place.

I can't see what you do

When you think of them over and over

But I imagine them to be sugar highs

That keep you running and hopping.

I can see it and everything about us

And you can see everything about us.

You see the things I see,

And I see the things you see.

I need you, just as you need me.

Without you, I'd be nothing.

I don't know what you'll be without me.

Have you seen us and gasped

At how far we've gone?

We've now fused the things we held dear

And made it into a whole.

We live and held each other,

And we survive by each other.

I can't get enough of you,

And you can't get enough of me.

We've become addicted to each other,

Ignoring the hate and the ugliness around us.

We find a common joy

In this connection between us.

Is this a bad thing?

Or is this something to admit and celebrate?

I want you and I need you

And I know you want the same thing.

Feeding each other

In a way outsiders are confused about.

I want to merge with you,

To never see myself as separate again.

To never be deprived again

Of a love and desire

And energy and strength only you provide.

I want to forget who I am,

The disappointments and regrets I can't help thinking,

And all the anger and melancholy

That haunt me to no end.

I don't want to look in the mirror

To be reminded of the mistakes

I hope to reconcile with

That I failed to foresee.

You are the escape,

The source I turn to,

When all I want is to not be me,

To forget the shame in myself.

I'd rather have you

Than be by myself.

I need this love you have

Because mine is long gone.

I need you, body and soul,

To help me heal the scars and memories

That haven't faded away,

And to be the redemption I long sought for.

It's frustrating as hell, my limited expressions

How can I truly show you, through no ambiguity,

Everything that depicts what I yearn to give you?

I need you because you make sense.

I need you for your empathy and security.

I need you for everything you are and everything I lack.

I need you. Christ, I can't get enough of you.