Speak

Final Goodbyes

      In my 13 years of life I had never seen my big brother Bruce  cry like he was doing today.I always looked at him as my big ,strong, burly brother who could stand up against anything thrown his way.He kept trying to hide the tears with the oversized shades he wore to keep up the front ,but they weren't big enough.He began to bawl and scream "Why?" "Why didn't you save him God ?". You see, what made this so unusual is that for as long as I could remember my brother Bruce and my father never got along.My father wanted Bruce to be a doctor ,lawyer or even a judge ...but Bruce had other plans.He used to say the only way to be respected is to play ball,sell drugs ...or rap,three things
Bruce tried to do all to often.It's funny how death makes you realize how much you truly cherish a person ,or for my mother ,How much you hate a person.
My mom and dad never had the picture perfect marriage ,but they tried their best not to let me and Bruce see it,but we're not idiots ...we saw it.My mom always felt my dad wasn't "Man enough" to deal with her sharp tongue and Brooklyn girl attitude ...However,she saw that my father was one of the few "good ones" He was a young ,southern, black man who had dreams of becoming a successful doctor.My mother saw dollar signs the moment she met my father. See my mom is what you would call an "opportunist " or for lack of better words "A gold-digger " she was at Atlanta's Freak-Nik back in 1998 along with my aunt Carol and her best friend Maylee...my mom saw my dad and his classmates in a local diner ,down the street from Clark Atlanta University...Which is where my father,his father,and his father all graduated from.My mom used to say she never thought My dad was attractive ,but it was "his beautiful hazel eyes" I just think it was the $15,000 watch my Grandfather passed on to my Father...but hey ,what do I know ? To make a long story short ,my mom got pregnant with my oldest brother Bruce ...then 5 years later she had me.My dad did end up becoming a successful doctor and my mom did end up becoming a "trophy wife ". But I don't think she ever pictured what life would be like without him.How would she raise two boys she birthed but barley even knows?

  As they lowered my father's $34,000 casket into his privately owned tomb ,I felt myself beginning to break down.I thought I could hold it together ,I was doing so good...My mom and Bruce used to always tell me "You're a man,men don't cry" or my personal favorite "Crying is for the weak" ...that was what I've heard My mother say to me numerous of times.In case you haven't realized my mom and dad were like Night and day.I was an exact reincarnation of my dad,and Bruce was exactly like my mom.That might explain why I felt she hated me so much ,now don't get me wrong my mom is a crappy mother to both of us ...but everybody knew Bruce was her favorite.
"Millie is so strong ,I couldn't imagine losing my husband so suddenly ...Don should have at least told her he was suicidal..."
My neighbor whispered to her husband...

For as long as I could remember my dad had been a happy person ,He would wake up,make breakfast for me and Bruce ,put that white coat on ...and leave out the front door.So it pretty much shocked everyone to think a man with so much knowledge and money ,would be depressed enough to jump to his death. My father was a doctor himself ,so you would think he could recognize the symptoms  of suicide and get himself some help.Throughout this whole process I never thought less of my father ,I wasn't even mad he left us ...I just think that whatever he was going through on earth must have been better on the other side.However,not everyone saw it like that ,Especially my mother...I always felt she had an huge disdain for my father ,but this whole situation intensified it.She hadn't looked at her husband's pictures nor his kids this whole week.But she surly  made sure to spend some of the money he left behind on a $16,500 Bvlgari  tennis bracelet to parade at the funeral.See my hatred for my mother may seem a bit unwarranted,but the more you listen you'll see she's just Satan in Brazilian bundles and mink lashes. The dynamic amongst my family typically went like this...Bruce got in trouble for doing typical hoodlum activities ,my dad punished him and my mom argued "He's gonna be soft if you don't let him do what boys do"Which typically turned into a argument because my dad hated the word "soft",he felt it was oppression placed on men (specifically black men) to keep their emotions suppressed. For me on the other hand ,I'd heard it all my life ...Along with "Nice Blouse Tyrell" or "Homo". So it didn't really bother me.I don't know if I'm gay ,I don't even know if I'm straight.I am not into lipglosses and makeup ...but I'm most definitely not into footballs and fortnite...which lead my mom and everyone else around me to believe that maybe he is a little "fruity" or "soft".But in the end ...all that matters is that I don't care what anyone thinks ...I'm just unapologetically Tyrell.