Tripping Down 12 Steps Into Malibu

Step 11

Brendon froze when he felt an arm circle his shoulders. He glanced to the side but didn't relax at the sight of Dallon. His fiance. The man who Ryan was just telling him loved him beyond measure. He didn't relax because all it took was the man's proximity to make him feel guilty. There he was again trying to crawl back to something that hurt him just as much as his drugs. There he was again on the brink of hurting the man who didn't deserve any type of pain.

He shouldn't still be doing that. He shouldn't still have such a soft spot for his former roommate, his former lover, in his heart. But he did. And for some fucked up reason he needed Ryan to know before it was too late. As if he hadn't told him before. As if 'too late' hadn't come and gone already. While he felt bad, he didn't regret saying the words to him.

"Hey, guys!" Dallon beamed at the pair like them being together hadn't once broken him. "Congrats you two."

He already said it to Brendon too many times but he still smiled and said, "Thank you."

"Thanks." Ryan offered him a tight lipped smile.

"So what are your plans after this?" Dallon asked.

"I'm going to take the bar exam here in California."

"To be a lawyer?" Dallon gaped in disbelief.

"That's what it's for."

Brendon wanted to laugh but held back. That man could not go an hour without being a smart ass.

His fiance brushed it off easily. "That's interesting. You don't look like the lawyer type."

"I am. Like I totally went to law school and everything, bro."

He buried Brendon deeper under his arm. "Good for you, man."

"Yeah." He looked past Dallon's shoulder. "I see my dad's waving me over. I should get going."

Brendon wanted to stop him. But there was no way he could without making Dallon suspicous. So he waved him away and turned in his fiance's arms. Dallon adjusted for him.

"He seems nice."

"He is."

"I see why you went for him."

He rolled his eyes hard enough to cause a permanent headache. "Don't."

Thankfully he was saved from what would have inevitably been a terrible conversation by Jesse standing in a chair. His attempt to gather attention by tapping a plastic spoon on a plastic cup caused the onlookers to burst into laughs. Brendon was going to miss him. Honestly, he was going to miss a lot of people at the facility. Some more than others. He searched Ryan out in the crowd and found him. Jesse cleared his throat. Drawing all attention back on him.

"I just want to say how proud I am to have been a part of each and every one of your journeys. Whether you're leaving us today or have a little more time to get to know me, I'm glad you're in here. I'm glad you're allowing me, us, this place to be a part of your ride to recovery." He paused for the short round of applause. "For those of you leaving us today, I know there's still a thought in the back of your mind. Where is the twelfth step? You've done everything you were supposed to do here. We had to help with the first eleven steps. I'm trusting you to finish the twelfth on your own. When you're ready. As you all should know by now, the last step is as quoted, We, in turn, are ready to help others who may come to us in the same way. I wholeheartedly expect that from each and every one of you. We at Malibu's twelve step program put everything we have into helping those who need it. We hope we have shaped the part
of you that urges you to do the same. When will you complete the last step? Who will you help? Don't let this question die in your mind as your journey expands beyond these walls. Thank you."

The applause was louder after that. Jesse smiled sheepishly and stepped down from the chair. Hugging the few people who approached him when he was back on the ground. Ryan was one of them. He avoided looking in Brendon's direction as he pulled away and went to rejoin the pair waiting for him.

"I'm ready to go." The words were rushed. "Now."

Brendon's head snapped in his direction just as he, his father and his cousin headed for the door without a goodbye. Confusion clouded him first. They were only half way through the party. He should not be leaving yet. It took a minute longer for him to come to terms with the fact that Ryan didn't give a fuck when the party was ending. it wasn't a requirement for him to stay to the end. Anyone could leave at anytime and not look back.

Ryan wasn't going to look back.

Without wasting time considering consequences, Brendon ran after him. Feeling and hearing Dallon chase behind him out the door. He didn't have time to relish in the feeling of being outside and not in a closed off, regulated area. He didn't have time to ponder on how wonderful it felt to be free of the burden of rehab. He was too focused on catching the slick, black car he could see Ryan in through the back window. The vehicle disappeared around the corner and away from the rehab's property before Brendon could make it to the edge.

He was prepared to bolt after it when a pair of strong hands grabbed him from behind. Holding him in place. Common sense rushed back into Brendon's head when Dallon's arms settled around his middle. It was quicky followed by an embarrassment that made him want to crawl in a hole.

What the hell was he thinking?

Why would he do that?

"Shh." Dallon cooed. Making him realize he was being loud. Making him realize  he was crying. His legs gave in under him but Dallon was able to hold him up. Dallon was always there to hold him up. Why did he keep doing this to him? Putting him through this.

"I'm sorry."

"Shh. I know."

"I love him."

He paused. Brendon held his breath. "I know."