forever - philip lester x reader

chapter 9

"i wonder what it's like being an only child." i thought aloud. "heaven knows." ashley, one of my newer friends i've made this school year, grumbled. "i hate having siblings. they're a pain in my ass."

"preach it." i giggled. "so~" she changed the topic. "i don't like that tone." i raised an eyebrow. "i heard, from dannyboy of course, you're dating phil lester?" she winked. "i- eh- y-yeah." i flushed red again. "haha, subtle." i heard the familiar voice of my lifelong crush behind me. "ooh!! juicy!!" she squealed.

ashley's full name is ashley nicolette frangipane. the frangipane family is mostly known for them being the ones collecting all the nice little gossips and rumors spreading around. i thought befriending her would lead for me to know all the latest details on who's dating who and what's happening. she's a pretty loyal friend, too, if i do say so myself. i usually call her halsey because she prefers it as her nickname, and i'll respect that.

"whatever you say." i shrugged, sipping on my milkshake. "ew, we have school tomorrow." she whined. "ew." all three of us said together. "shit! i totally forgot! me and joe planned to work on the finishing touches of our chemistry project! i gotta go!" she threw on her jacket, hugged me goodbye and she was gone.

"me when i hear dinner is ready." i snorted. phil gave a light chuckle, and then held me bridal style. "what are you doing?" i giggled. "your mum!" he laughed. "oh no, what ever will i do?" i fake gasped, holding my heart. "my boyfriend has left me for my mum!"

"haha, no. i'm 99.9% sure you're my type." he giggled. "oh, so you have a type now?" i raised an eyebrow. "yeah. you." he kissed my cheek. "aweweeeewee!!" dan squealed. "when did you get here?" i asked. "oh, about 5 minutes ago. your mom wants to talk to you. maybe she can meet phillyboy!" dan patted phil's head.

"oh, sure!" i grinned. "put me down, peasant." i commanded. "yes sir." he stood me on my feet. "okay, let's go!"

—

my mum already knew about phil. i used to ramble on to her about him when i was maybe in 4th grade? she would listen and she was amazing moral support. then dad was shot.

"hey mumzy!" i called, opening the door. she sat in the couch, bawling her eyes out. "m-mum?" i let go of phil's hand and ran over to her. "a-alexander.." she cried. that was my dads name. "mum, what's wrong? where are the kids?"

"they- they're at amy's. i couldn't bear for them to see me like this." she whined. "what's wrong?" me and phil sat down next to her.

"your dad was killed."

the second i heard that, i thought i was going to have a panic attack, right then and there.

"n-no.." i choked out. "no no no no," i repeated over and over. "no!" i yelled. "y-you're kidding, right? this- this- this can't be true! oh my god." i started hyperventilating.

"fuck," my mom sweared, running to the kitchen. she ran back out holding all the supplies for when i had a scene like this. she handed me a breathing inhaler, and i took deep breaths. phil rubbed my back.

"i-i'm going to my room." i stood up, hugging my mom tightly. i walked up, hearing phil's footsteps behind me. i walked in, he walked in, and we shut the door. i sat on my bed and curled up into a ball.

"i can't believe this." i started crying. "d-daddy. i-i'm so sorry."

"(name), it isn't your fault." phil hugged me. "i-i know." i cried more.

phil then picked me up and laid me in his lap. he wrapped his arms around my waist, and rested his head on mine. "love, just remember, you need to get over it sooner or later." he whispered, kissing my temple.

'i want to die. i want to die. i want to die. i want to die.' my thoughts repeated.

"i love you." i cried into his chest. "you don't even know how much more i do." he muttered under his breath.

we stayed in this position for a while. it was perhaps 7:00 at night before we moved.

"i should go home." phil said. "p-please d-d-don't." i whimpered. "if you leave, i-i'm afraid i'll do something stupid."

"i won't. but you need to eat. do you want anything?" he asked. "n-no i'm not hungry." i shook my head. "but w-we have instant ramen downstairs if you want it." i sat up.

"okay. you sure you aren't hungry?" he asked me one last time. "ugh, now i'm hungry." i swung my feet to the floor. "no, i'll get you something. i'll make something for you mum as well." he said, exiting the bedroom.

"i should just take my antidepressants." i walked over to the pill bottle, grabbing 2. i dry swallowed them, laying back in bed.

my mum walked into my room. "hey," she looked a little happier. but i could tell it was forced. "is that the amazing philip lester?" she smiled lightly. "yeah." i mumbled. "i brought him over here to tell you, we're dating."

she gasped. "awe." she hugged me. "how you holding up? i'm doing horrible." she wiped the fake smile off her face. "shitty." i wiped a tear away. "hey, think about it. we still have eachother." she held my chin up. "you look just like him." she sighed.

"we have to let it go soon." i said. "yeah, i know.." she sighed. "but for now, let's stick together."