Fire ↬ Ben Parish

08

FOR the rest of the day, I try to avoid Zombie. There's this awkwardness between us that I really don't want to have to deal with.

I lay awake, staring at Teacup's bunk above mine for what seems like hours. I can't focus on anything. My thoughts just keep piling up on top of each other. Needless to say, I can't sleep.

I thought everyone was asleep. That's why I jump when Nugget starts to talk.

"Zombie?" He asks.

Zombie whispers, "No talking after lights out."

Nugget talks again though, "I can't sleep."

"Close your eyes and think of something nice." There's a temper rising in Zombie's voice. He's trying to be sweet to the poor kid but Reznik will beat our asses if he finds out anyone was talking after lights out.

"Is it against the rules to pray?" Nugget whispers softly.

"Sure, you can pray. Just not outloud." Zombie tells him.

After that, I'm pretty sure they're conversation is done. But, of course, it's not.

Nugget says, "Cassie always would pray with me."

Who's Cassie?  I wonder.

I guess Zombie was thinking the same thing because he asks him too. Except he asks him outloud.

"Who's Cassie?"

"I told you." Nugget says.

"I forgot." Zombie states.

"Cassie is my sister. She's coming for me."

I bit my lip. Nugget is too young to understand the fact that that's not going to happen. That Cassie isn't coming. That Cassie is probably dead.

Zombie knows this. "Oh, sure."

"She promised." Nugget explains, "Promised."

I hear Nugget stir in his bunk. Then, the hiccup of a sob release through his lips. Reznik is going to kill us.

I don't know why I say it. I really don't.

"Nugget. Stop crying."

Zombie looks over at me. I can see him furrowing his eyebrows in the dark, he didn't know that I was awake and listening. He didn't know my voice could sound that cold.

He returns his attention to Nugget. His voice is way softer than mine, "Hey, Nugget...It's all right."

Flintstone whisper-yells from the other side of the room, "Hey, shut it over there!"

Flintstone came back right before lights-out and he does, in fact, have a broken nose. They couldn't do much for him, so they just released him. Only thing different is he can't do hand-to-hand for a few weeks. He can do everything else while enjoying the pain of  his broken nose. Pretty great news to me.

I've thought a lot about it. I came to the conconclusion that I'm not going to let myself die with regrets. I already knew the waves changed me. I already knew that I was something new. Something different. Something dangerous.

Knowing this, I've decided to enjoy the fact he's hurt, instead of be scared of the fact that I caused his hurting. That asshole can suffer.

"Yeah." Tank adds. "You want to get us busted, Zombie?"

I do actually agree with Flint and Tank right now. I don't have the patience to deal with a 'more than angry' Reznik tomorrow if he finds out about this.

Zombie ignores them. "Come here," He whispers to Nugget, patting his mattress, "I'll pray with you and then you can go to sleep. Okay?"

I hear the pit-pat of Nuggets quick feet on the floor and the creak of Zombie's bunk as Nugget crawls to sit beside him.

Zombie takes a deep breath. He looks over his at me. Again. Our eyes lock.

"Raven will pray with us too." He states, "Right, Raven?"

Then Nugget looks at me. They both look at me.

For some reason I can't say no. I try to, but I can't. The words don't allow themselves to leave my mouth.

"Yeah. Sure." I say with a sigh. This is crazy. If Reznik comes in, he'll actually kill us.

I sit up and push the covers aside, exposing my naked legs. Our standard bedtime uniform is a black, longsleeve shirt and white underwear. Very classy.

The mattress gives a little as I sit beside them. Zombie and I sit cross-legged, while Nugget lays on his stomach, leaning on his fists.

"What prayer does she say with you, bud?" Zombie asks.

"Would you guys just shut up?" Dumbo growls, clearly annoyed. You and me both, Bo. You and me both.

Nugget whispers, "Now I lay me."

I notice Zombie swallow hard and grab onto something around his neck. I can't tell exactly what it is, some necklace or chain of somesort. His expression seems to drag with sadness. I decide that it has something to do with his past. It's the only thing that really upsets people now. That's why I threw mine away; my past that is. You can't be saddened by something you don't have anymore.

Zombie's voice is quiet, "'Now I lay me down, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.'"

Nugget and I join in on the next line.

"'When in the morning light I wake, teach me the path of love to take.'"

The whole squad is hissing at us now. Someone even hurls a pillow at us, but we don't stop. We keep praying. We keep praying to the God that screwed us over. We keep praying because it means nothing, because it means everything.

"'Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. Your angels watch me through the night, and keep me safe till morning's light."

The hissing stops. Stillness takes over the Barracks. Our voices fill the empty void. Everyone listens intently because it means nothing, because it means everything.

We slow our voices on the last stanza. It's like we can't finish, we don't want to finish. Beyond the prayer, nothing will mean nothing again. We'll all go back to reality. We'll go to sleep. We'll wake up. We'll be exhausted. We'll train through seventeen hours of hell. All while we wait. While we wait for the inevitable.

While we wait for death.

Because we will die. And there's nothing we can do about it.

"'And if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.'"