I don't know why I keep doing this
Keep putting myself in this position
I know it will lead to fighting
To self consciousness and hate
Yet I let it happen anyway.
How could I refuse?
My friends perky smiles
And excited claps keep my sanity
Away from my own body
And makes me forget all the times
I've fallen silent for
Fear of anger
Or shouted for
Fear of judgement.
Each time left me questioning
If they'd even stay.
Do I really think a sleepover is
A required field?
A box that needs to be marked
To get the job?
Or am I just living in constant terror
That they will one day
Forget our friendship
Just because I couldn't be
Kind and positive long enough
To keep them happy?
