Growth | z.m.

Chapter 31

Zayn's POV

It was good to be home despite all of the crazy things going on with Eve and her health. I had a lot of time to think and spend time with my family. Apparently time is supposed to heal wounds. I wouldn't go that far, but I would compare time to something like a bandage to at least help with the mess.

I wondered if Eve and I were too young. Obviously she was incredibly young to be pregnant at the age of seventeen, but I wondered if we were too young to be in love. I fell for her at a ridiculously rapid pace. I didn't regret it. No, why would I regret the best thing that happened to me? But I knew none of this would've happened if we had waited to be together, to get married, to go on our honeymoon. If we had waited just a few months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds, would it be any different?

People say you can't spend time asking yourself 'what if' all the time, but when tragedy strikes, it's inevitable.

Death is inevitable.

And that fucking sucks.

I went alone to my grandfather's grave just like old times.

I didn't have any flowers or anything. I just wanted to talk to him like I used to. I couldn't help but remember when I brought Eve to his grave years ago. That situation was a polar opposite to the one I was currently in.

I left Aiden with my parents who were in the middle of tea.

"Where are you going, Daddy?" He asked me with his mother's curious eyes.

"Just to visit an old friend. I'll be back soon. Be good." I kissed the top of his head as he tugged on the thin material of my tee shirt. When our eyes met, I realized he was trying to pull me in for a hug.

"I love you Daddy."

"I love you more." I smiled at him before I made my way out the door. I didn't want to leave him but I needed to get out. I had to visit my granddad's grave to gain some peace of mind.

When I arrived at the cemetery, my feet kind of guided me as if they had a mind of their own. Of course there were knew grave stones that I didn't recognize but I was able to navigate my way to his grave with what I did recognize. I found it odd that we marked buried bodies with ugly stones and that was it. It was easy to forget that there were actual bodies in the ground underneath me. It was morbid but so was every other thought I had.

The grave stone I was looking for was no different than it was five years ago. Death doesn't change.

Kneeling down in front of the stone, I began to feel the familiar stinging in my eyes that came along with crying. I held onto it for support as wept like someone who had lost someone very important to them. I wanted to say everything I possibly could, but I ended up not being able to utter a word. I was so sad, so angry, so helpless that all I could do was cry. And it didn't solve anything, it wasn't benefiting anyone, but like death, like life, like tragedy, it was inevitable.

I found myself in the same exact position two weeks later at the funeral I never thought I'd find myself attending a month ago.

Amelia Luna was placed in a tiny casket with some of the things Eve and I had bought for her. Since we didn't know the sex, we started buying unisex clothes and stuffies for the baby. Of course we had to have security at the entire perimeter of the cemetery at the service. We just had close friends and family, but fans left flowers, cards, and candles all around the perimeter for Amelia.

Eve recovered from pneumonia in a fairly quick amount of time, but it didn't change that we still had so many things to do. Liam took care of all of the arrangements for the funeral except for the casket and a few bits and pieces that he felt should be left for Eve and I.

Eve refused to sleep without Aiden in her arms as soon as she knew she was well again. I knew it was because she was so grateful to have him especially after losing our daughter. It pained me to watch her speak at the funeral. She talked about how excited she had been to have another baby, and how painful the whole miscarriage experience was. There was not a dry eye in the group of us there.

I wanted nothing more but to hold my wife in my arms and never let go, but she needed to do this. She needed the closure and speaking in front of everyone about it was her way of letting go.

As I watched our unborn daughter's casket being lowered into the ground, I couldn't help but wish she could have lived and I could've died. I've lived life. I've had experiences, I've found love. She was never even given the chance to smile.

I would say the thought of that killed me, but that would be extremely inappropriate.

A/N: DON'T WORRY, THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE THE WHOLE FUNERAL IN EVE'S POV!

Tons of things have happened recently. I won't bore you with details but I did want to mention that Changes reached 3 MILLION reads and I can't thank you guys enough for all of your support and for reading my stuff. I can't believe people actually spend their time reading my stories. All I can say is you guys are incredible. It's not a big deal compared to maybe After or Dark or a lot of other amazing stories but it means the world to me. :) SO THANK YOUUU

Question: Have any of you ever done a juice fast or the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred? If so, could you share your results? I'm considering trying both.

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