I miss my old friends. I loved my friends like they were my family. It seems ungrateful, because I have new friends now, closer to me than anyone else (who isn't family) has ever been, a new, huge, happy family.
But still something is not quite right. When I first moved away, I kept in touch on email, with Skype. But I look now at the computer, and I haven't had a message from any of them in two and a half years. Two and a half years.
And that's not the worst. When no one sees, I cry, but even then I blink back my tears, bite my lip, stay strong. For I wonder, if I were to meet them now, Alice, Freya, Emily, Adam, any of them, what would we have in common? I had seen our conversations become more tense. Because they had changed, become popular kids, cool, like the crowd. I have stayed the same.
If I saw them again, what would they say, think? Is this who we were friends with, Alice? Yes, Adam, we were. Remember, Adam? Yes, but now we have changed, we are better. We like, act, say, do the popular thing, go with the crowd.
And why would they want to be my friends now? Who am I? A dorky, nerdy, small, but very cocky, totally un-cool person, with a strong hate for the popular kids.
I emailed Adam today, after writing this, because I found my card from all those years ago. My class had given it to me when I left, and it had in it a list of every name, a picture of all our class and me in the middle, and each member of the year group wrote a message to me. Adam had put his email address there, and I couldn't find the email addresses of any other of my old friends.
So I emailed Adam, just to say hello. I wonder if he will reply, if he will even remember who I am.
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