RIA 23
Ran sighed. I watched him tap his fingers on the wooden table between us. Kunot ang noo habang nakatitig sa mga ito.
And each tap of his fingers on the table is equivalent to the thump of my heart against my chest. Hindi ko mapigilan ang bahagyang pagkatulala sa lamesang tinatapik n'ya. It sounded like a ticking clock in my head too.
After a few moments, he spoke.
"My mom. . . who has been working for the Redullas met Rendon Sinclair in a local event in CDO way back." He swallowed hard. "They had a one-time thing which resulted in having me."
Hearing the confirmation from him made my stomach churned. Natulala ako lalo at para bang napatay ang lahat ng switch na mayroon ako sa katawan. Hindi gumagana ang isip ko, ayaw n'ya gumana. I wanted to think, to process everything I heard but it won't cooperate.
I blinked my eyes and furrowed my brows, trying to get a hold of myself. I subtly inhaled deeply. Breathe. . . I need to breathe.
At it worked.
So when he continued telling me what happened, the memories buried deep somewhere in my mind, resurfaced.
"Hindi ko alam kung one time thing lang ba talaga dahil ang sabi ng mga kasama ni Mama noon sa hacienda ng mga Redulla, habang pinagbubuntis ako ni Mama, dumadalaw si Rendon Sinclair. It kept up until I reached Elementary," Ran clenched his jaw. His gaze lifted to me. "Kahit na wala na si Mama, binibisita n'ya pa rin ako, until he didn't."
The memories of my beloved father. . . my first hero, leaving now and then when I was in high school pierced through my mind. And just like that, my happy and treasured memories of him vanished and were replaced by the memories of him being missing in some of my and my little sister's events in school back then.
He never missed special occasions in our lives but I can remember how he always left as fast as he could after numerous Christmas Days, New Year Eves, and Recka's birthdays.
All I thought back then was how his work was so demanding for him to do that. Hindi ko alam na may iba na pala syang pinupuntahan. Ibang pamilyang kasama.
Maging ang sigawan nila ni Mama noon na naabutan namin ni Recka ay malinaw na malinaw na sa isipan ko ngayon.
I gritted my teeth when it flashed my mind.
How could I forget?
"He died. . . Cardiac Arrest." I mumbled, in response to what he said.
He weakly nodded.
"Alam ko. May nakapagsabi sa akin. Mula noon kinupkop na ako ng pamilya ni Hekasi at pinag-aral."
"Did you hate him?" Mahina kong tanong. And it echoed as a question for myself too.
Ran slightly shook his head.
"Never. But I don't think I loved him as much as I love my Mom."
Marahan akong tumango.
My mom. . . Did she hate him? Did she hate me for forgetting what he did? For making her feel that it's her fault?
"Nabanggit n'ya kayo. . . He was transparent to my Mom and to me, na meron s'yang pamilya. He showed us pictures of your Mom, you, and Recka."
It was a bullshit that what he said comforted me. At least he was honest about us. Cheating on my mom. . . on us, was one thing. But denying us is another story.
Pilit akong ngumiti at tumango, hindi na magawa pang umimik. Naputol lang ang katahimikan nang bumukas ang pintuan ng kwarto at pumasok ang waitress dala ang mga inorder namin.
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